listen to the smart side... ana and mia are NOT your friends.. they're the devil in disguise helping you to a slow and painful death.

The smart side is the side that eats healthily and works out. Please listen to the smart side.

I know, I know....That is why I am fighting like hell, to not fall back into my old ways....

I am doing better listening to the smart side..I am eatting healthier and working out, trying to get back up to 97lbs of muscel! Lets hope I can do it!

Okay well hope to hear back from you...Until than take care and much love!!!

hmm dont go back. if your strong enough to still have a choice, dont choose ana and mia. they'll destroy you. i know about your feelings of wanting to go back,
tell someone who cares and knows of your previous struggle with ED's. they could help.
also do you want to put those who love you what you did before with ana/mia ?
i sure wouldnt. hope this helps.
x leela

Leela, thank you soooo much for your comment! I am fighting hard not to go back....And am talking to my grams about it now, she is helping me, which is good...And I know Ana and Mia destroys your life, they almost killed me before, and crushed my relationship with my parents as well....So yes I am fighing hard to not go back to those ways....I hope you are too, if you are struggeling with an ed as well...And if you need someone to talk to I am here for you!!!!

Okay well hope to hear back from you, unitl than take care and much love!!!!


xox Samantha xox

PS....Is that your stomache? It is sooooo sexy! I love a woman with six pack lines or even better a six pack!!! If that is your stomach how did you get it to look like that, I wnat mine to look like that!!!!

i know i struggle with the same thoughts.

Eating disorder or No Eating Disorder.

Its hard cause i read so many blogs about people (who to me) seem bragging about their ED, at least that's how it comes off to me and my jealous mind.

As of right now... I am not active in an eating disorder and havent been for a few years, since 2007 was the last time i gave it a whirl, and before that was 2004.

It still haunts me daily, I just keep telling the ghost no. stay strong, dont give in to a temptation that really shouldnt be tempting at all. The ghost that haunts you, will kill you if you bury yourself to deep with her.

Hey hun, I am sorry you are going through the same thing as me--its suck I know!

Yes I know what you are talking about, about some girls/guys bragging about there eatting disorders, and its nothing to brag or boost about....It is hell...

So may I ask for how long did you have an eatting disorder???...

I have been doing really good at telling "them" no for the most part to be honest...And yes I know it will kill if I go back to her/them, hell they almost did last time...I will keep trying to stay strong!!!

Okay well take care hun!!! Talk to you later...Bye!!!


xox Samantha xox

why would you want to be thin? we live in america, the land of pleanty, yet through advertising and the media our self image has been so distorted and perverted that we believe we must starve ourselves to 'fit in' and be accepted. i struggled for a long time with weight problems, my whole life i have always weighed too little for my height, mostly due to the fact that i was diagnosed with ADD in elementary school and prescribed adderall from the time i was 6 to 16 which made my already fast matabolism even faster and my already small appitite even smaller. then i became pretty poor and we couldnt really afford very much food so for a year all i ate was yogurt and granola bars and a carton of slim (i got the kind that are high calorie high protien that are designed to help you gain weight) per day, and that was when i actually started loosing weight and very fast. im 6'2 and at my worse i weight 94 lbs, if i didnt take the adderall for a couple days, i had literally no energy at all, my body just shut down and all i could do was sleep. then i was admitted to a treatment center and taken off the adderall. as a male i dont have anywhere near the pressure to be skinny that females do, personally i actually feel the exact opposite pressure, im 'supposed' to be big and buff and tan, but instead im horribly skinny and pale. i hated my self for so long, just because of how i looked, the girl i liked would rather go out with a obese tan guy than my pale skinny ass. but i realized that we are all going to the same place in the end, someday we will all be dead and forgotten and it wont really matter much if we were skinny, fat, strong, weak, smart or stupid. maybe that is a cynical way to look at life, but at least i feel better about my self, somebody out there will love me for who i am and not care about how i look, hell she might even digg skinny pale guys. and if not then it just wasn't meant to be, and i was born this way for a reason.

I can tell you right now that you need to listen to your smarter side.
You don't sound like you need to lose any weight at all. In fact, you sound quite a bit underweight, even for your height.

Go back to the sports you love playing, and you will be better off mentally and physically.
Trust me. Looking super thin is not a good thing. It looks unhealthy.

I'm sorry that I can't give you much advice to coping. I've never been in the situation and don't know what it is like.
But I can say tell someone you trust, if you haven't already, and have them help you through it. It makes easier.

Thank you everyone for all your comments and advice, it was and is much needed!!! I AM GOING TO TRY MY BEST TO STAY STRONG, CAUSE I REALLY DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT HELL I ONCE LIVED IN....ITS JUST HARD, VERY HARD....LIFE IS SOOOO FUCKED UP RIGHT NOW, I HAVE BEEN JOBLESS FOR 3 MONTHS, NOR HAVE I HAD ANY FORM OF INCOME AND MAY NOT EVEN GET MY UNEMPLOYMENT CHECKS FROM MY JOB!!!! SO I AM BROKE, HAVE MASSIVE BILLS PILLING UP, GOING TO BE LATE ON EVERYTHING, JUST MOVED TO A NEW STATE WHERE I KNOW NO ONE, MISS MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS, WANT TO GO BACK TO COLLEGE BUT DONT HAVE THE MONEY, ETC....SO AS ONE CAN SEE I AM STRESSED TO THE MAX WHICH IS CAUSING MY ED TO COME BACK....Grrr!!! BUT EVEN SO I WILL TRY MY BEST NOT TO RELAPSE IN MY EATTING DISORDER....


Okay once again THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR ALL OF YOUR ADVICE AND HELP!!!!!




XOX Samantha XOX

Hey hey Adriardi! I know I need to listen to my smarter side, I am really trying to do so! Yes I know I am not over weight at all for hieght....I am trying to get back up to 97lbs in muscels, I stand at 4'9 1/2!

I am going to help coach little girls basketball teams, at the YMCA, so that I can use the gym and the pool for free!!! Hell yeah!!! I am also going to take the kick boxing class that they have!!! I am very excited about all of this...

Its okay that you can not give me advice to coping you have already helped me out in other ways...Thank you...


Okay well hope to hear back from you soon....Until than take care and much love!!!!



xox Samantha xox