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A Declaration To Self. And you...

This is the first entry in my 'blog for change'. I started this blog to document the changes in my life that I want to happen. That need to happen. I believe in the power of the individual to project and control their destination in life. But so far, I haven't been very good at it.

So the beginning of change is this, a declaration:

I am not happy with my life. I have many people, things, and experiences in my day to day life that bring me joy, and for those things I am grateful; but as I take a step back and summarize my life and my place in this world, and ask myself, "Are you happy? Are you who you want be? Are you where you want to be? Are you what you want to be?"

The answer is NO.

And I just cannot escape that knowledge. With that knowledge comes the internal conviction that I cannot continue this way forever. It's my responsibilty to make change happen in my life. It's my responsibilty to make myself truely HAPPY.

I don't just owe this to myself. I owe this to the world. I think our own happiness is our greatest contribution to society and world we live in. Because happy people spread love...and kindness...and peace.

You never hear someone say "I killed her because I was just so happy", or '"I stole the money because I was happy as a clam" or "I cheated on my wife because I was content with life" or "I ran away from home and started smoking crack because I couldn't take the happiness anymore"

Right? Okay, so what about my life...why am I unhappy???

Hmmm...Let's see...

I have a pretty easy job. I'm a retail manager, and I make pretty good money. I work with mostly nice people and a micromanaging---but otherwise gracious boss. I make enough money to live and pay my bills, and enjoy some nice things now and then. I have TWO college degrees. I'm in a great relationship, with an amazing woman. My upbringing was about as healthy as it gets. I am the product of a happy un-broken home. My siblings and I were raised with love and affection, and we are all well adjusted, confident, and successul individuals.

So at this point you may really be wondering....what the HELL is my problem????

Let me break it down a little further...

I have a decent job BUT I don't love what I do.
I have make "enough" money, BUT I''m deep in educational (and some other) debt
I have two college degrees BUT neither are related in the a field I want to work in.
I'm in a relationship with an amazing woman whose very few, BUT quite serious issues, can only be solved with some counseling and therapy, which she/we cannot afford.

I have no delusions about life. I know that there are many who are so much less fortunate than me. Some people would give almost anything in this world to have my life and they'd be happy. I am not ungrateful for the things I have. I am blessed beyond measure in many many ways. But that does not give me the right or the excuse to settle for less than what I know I can have, and thus what I can give.

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I hope that you are thinking about this. About my life and your life. What happiness means to you. Thank you for reading, for joining me on this little path on my journey to find happiness.

See you soon....

.Believe.