Light crept up to and then snuck under his eye lids as he lay motionless, caught between dreams of violent teens and silent screams of which seemed to go on forever. The gates that are his eye lids shot open to welcome the sun as a defeater and protector from these ghosts that seemed to haunt him. Not so much these days as days ago but still an uneasy thought before going closing the gates again and locking himself in for much needed sleep. With his eyes open and excitement pounding in his chest he rolled and forced open his eyes a little more. Reaching for his phone, his hand not yet halfway a familiar song and a buzzing sound of phone on wooden desk breaks the silence. Quickly turning it off he looks at the time and then checks again the date, today had finally come, this is what he had been waiting for, for so long. Turning to lay on his back a smile crept onto his face and grow so wide he thought it was going to burst. He sat up and flung his legs over the side of the bed, he could already hear people talking in the kitchen and was eager to join them. The rumbling in his stomach was nothing knew and he knew a good breakfast was needed, especially today. He had been very nervous about today for a long time, but over the past few days his nerves had changed to longing and an excitement that he could hardly contain, letting it free through smiles that sometimes got his a few weird looks. Opening the door and walking out he sees two familiar faces, these faces may have well been family to him. His friends family had taken him in for the week and even before then he looked at them like family. Smiles and good mornings were exchanged and the usual joke from the dad was made at his expense, though everyone had jokes made at their expense in the mornings, more of a morning ritual then a joke. After getting ready and packing his things, double checking that he had everything he hoped in the car and started the engine. "Finally can we go I’m going to be late" came from the passenger seat with a smile and a laugh. They backed out of the driveway and with a smile to himself he thought "this is it" as the car slid into gear and they drove off.
And hour and a half later and he turned left into "green something" street, going through a roundabout and then out the other side he realized just how close he was. Though he was still very tired to look at his interior was very much awake. Eyes half shut but glowing, posture as if he was sleep walking but anxious he turned more corners listening to an oh so familiar line for what had to be the hundredth time this week. "…Six feet under the stars." rang in his ears but was almost immediately forgotten as he saw the street he had been looking for and longing to see for the entire trip. There was no turning left and starting along the dirt road that lay itself in front of him this time though.

Last time he had driven up here alone he had not gone more then a hundred meters before he was stopped but a white van. Winding down the window he looked up at the unfamiliar but friendly face that sat in the drivers seat. They exchanged greetings and a friendly hello came from the passenger seat before they parted ways. Thinking of the meeting just seconds before he thought of his face and the lack of expression due to the eyes that seemed to just want to shut and the jaw that didn’t know what to do with itself, "great first impression" he thought to himself. This thought was quickly vaporised as he saw a sign that seemed to be so familiar to him hanging and a driveway that suddenly made the thought of what he was about to do scary. He actually didn’t really know why but she was all he could think about and to him that was enough to make him turn left and drive slowly into the driveway. Creeping down the road he looked around as if to make sure he had got the right place, but never being there before this was ridicules. He shouldn’t have worried though because as he turned his head back in the direction of the house he saw her, sitting on the steps as if she was awaiting his arrival. She lifted herself with all the grace in the world and started to move towards the car as it pulled up and as she walked she turned her head a little as if to hide a smile that he thought he saw. Forcing his himself out of the car that he felt would hide his nerves if he stayed hidden in he tired to suppress the huge smile that covered his face. As she moved closer he held his arms out, and much to his surprise and delight she embraced him but not before he could pick up on how beautiful her face was, he had forgotten and not in his wildest dreams could he have imagined her as beautiful as she looked in this moment. As she seemed to fall into his arms everything seemed to be perfect and a quick hug was all that he needed to know that he was welcome. That was last time though, this was a new day and all he could think about for the past few days was her and how he longed to see her again.

He drove on past this little dirt road that had taken him to what seems to be the start of his summer and turned left onto different road this time. Taking a right at the traffic lights and heading off towards the beach butterflies began to flutter and tickle his stomach. He began to think how scared he was again and nerves fought their way back again. Turning right down what he thought was the right road he followed it down and to the right, coming to a dead end. Looking round he saw the beach he wanted to end up at but noticed how nice the view was from where he was sitting, looking strait out over the ocean he thought "this would be amazing at night with the moon on the water. Turning the car round and tracing his steps back he turned down what he knew now to be the right road and found a park behind the same white van that had stopped him on the dirt road just a few days ago. He climbed out and took a look around before opening the boot of his car to gain access to his body board and fins. Picking them out and putting his rash vest on he locked his car and stored his keys in his little hiding place and set off over the road. As he reached the other side he looked down it was like looking through a where’s Wally book to see if he could spot her. He moved slowly across the top of the cliff and made his way to the top of the steps. Pacing down them a thought just crossed his mind, he didn’t want to wander round looking like he was crazy trying to find her, his nerves were already overflowing, so he sat his board down and pulled on his fines. With one last look around he ran at the water and as he hit it everything vanished, apart from her.

The water was cool but refreshing on his face and the sound of the waves seemed to push thoughts from his mind. As he dove under the last few waves and paddled out past the break he turned and looked back towards shore, seeing people jogging, playing beach cricket, sunbaking and just swimming in the shallows. He turned to look out toward what was a vast dark blue blanket covering anything that lay on the ocean floor. Wave after wave rolled by as he floated over the top of them bobbing up and down like a cork in a bathtub. Sitting right in the middle of a rip and on the edge of a sandbank meant that not only was the freefall into the heaving waves insane but once you were in, there was no place to go. After catching a few of the bigger ones and getting pumped just for the sake of it he made his way to shore, pulled off his fins and glanced over his shoulder to where he thought she would be. With no such luck he decided to calm himself down a little more with another short surf up the beach. He set off with his board under his arm and water blocking his ears, the whole time looking out to sea trying to decide where to paddle out next. He finally found somewhere among the sloppy swell that he thought might give him an ok wave or two and he set off into the water again.

Pulling his fins off again and trying to knock the water out of his ears he looked back down the beach to the crowd of people on the other side of the rocks. He set off with more confidence now and a spring in his step eager to see her smiling face. He wasn’t disappointed either, as he stepped over the rocks he saw her come bouncing towards him with that same smile that was imbedded in his memory shone at him from her perfectly featured face. His mind seemed to freeze and all he could stutter out was a quick "hello" and a small nervous smile. Its not that he wasn’t pleased to see her, but just like last time he saw her he was stunned by what he thought was the most beautiful girl in the world. Greeting her younger brother and sister he was introduced to her young cousins as they started to slowly walk back to where her family had set up camp for the day. Board under his arm and fins in hand he put all his concentration into not shaking as they walked along the beach. Smile "hello’s" and a friendly handshake were waiting to great him as he made his way over to the group. Still feeling shy and not knowing what to do with himself he smiled back and returned conversation with more confidence then before. Needing to put his board in the car to save it from the sun he excused himself and to his surprise and delight she offered to walk him there. As they stepped away from the group he caught a glimpse of her eyes and with just a glimpse he was lost for a few seconds before he realized she was talking to him. Her hair swayed in the breeze and her smile shone in the afternoon sun as they made their way up the stairs towards the car. Her voice was all he could hear as they took each step slowly, as if they were both trying to make it last. Reaching the car he turned to her and smiled and as he saw his smile already being returned he knew it was right. This feeling of longing he had had for the past few days, just to see her and talk to her again. Shutting the boot of the car and heading back to the beach they walked side by side, throwing lines of what was a conversation that he never wanted to end. It seemed like he could talk to her forever, without ever want for the conversation to die down or pause. They made their way across the beach, the sand warm on his feet as it squeaked with every step. With some more quick jokes and friendly humour he felt more at home before they were on their way to the waters edge again. The cool water lapped around his ankles before he took off, running and diving head first into the whitewash.

It was another sunny afternoon back at the house as they all sat down to a very welcome lunch after a morning of wearing themselves out in the water. Not tomatoes were harmed in the writing of this day though he still offered a hand as not to be just an eyesore sitting at the kitchen table watching as people passed by. As he sat, though no look crossed his shy and hidden face, his mind was like trying to capture every second as he didn’t ever want to forget these days or this summer. After having another two sandwiches forced into him and ignoring all cries of no he cleared the table and then wiped it down. Looking around to see only her helping he held in a laugh behind a small smile and continued to rinse the dishes. His mind has failed him as a blur streaks across his mind as he tries to chase it down and piece together the clues and put together the puzzle of what exactly happened in the few hours after this, and leading up to the turn of a key as they prepared to leave for town. All he can remember as they were about to walk through the front door and down the steps is one thought, that cleared all others from his mind, "Wow she looks amazing! Her eyes r so bright, her hair is perfect". But it wasn’t just her physical beauty that had given leave to this thought, but he could see the amazing person that she was shining with every smile and every glance. He was entranced by her beauty, though to say this seems shallow, he knew that is was not. Leaving the driveway with heart in throat and mind in a spin they turned right out of the little dirt road and headed for town.

Stepping out of the car they were greeted with smiling faces of those they had just left behind. The fireworks were to be on in half an hour or so and as they headed down towards the water he realised he had not seen organized fireworks like this for so many years. Sure there were the normal small town new years eve midnight fireworks but they were always very small and short with the atmosphere of the local bowling finals and the smell of an old pub that had been sprayed with salt water. Not to say that these new years eves were not memorable at all, they just possessed a different feel to them. Tonight seemed to be all about family, not that he minded he just didn’t want to get in the way. As they reached the edge of the grassy slope they all stopped and looked around, not knowing what they were looking for he stood quietly beside her. They were meeting up with their cousins soon and as he was nervous he didn’t mind, he liked to meet new people and was more then happy to be invited to do so. Leaving behind the others they turned and took a short walk in the opposite direction to see if they could find her relatives. Not having any clue what they looked like he joined her and enjoyed the conversation as she looked. Making their way back to the hill where they had first stopped they were called down to a group of people and as he looked over he could recognize only a few. The group had grown quite dramatically though only smiles greeted him. Trying to fight off the shyness that crept up his spin like it were a ladder he was introduced and then sat down next to her on the outer edge of the group. Laying back in the grass he smiled to himself and as he sat back up he was content just to sit, listen and watch his surroundings as he let his mind ease and take a rest.

Stepping into the shop still asking with a smile on his face, and getting no answer apart from "you choose" they walked to the ice-cream freezer and he pulled two out. Paying for them and handing one to her he asked still with a smile "How did I go? Is it the right one?". She returned his smile and with a quick yes turned and walked out of the shop. This was the second time they had been in the shop that night, the first time was for the same reason but realising that he had left his money in the car they had to retrace their steps back. They walked out, as they reached the road he reached for her hand as to lead her across the road. Reaching the other side neither of them let go, they walked hand in hand up the road and in his mind it was perfect. Ice-creams now in hand they crossed the road again and headed for the church to find a friend, this was half a longing to see his friend and half a stall for time to think of what to do. He had no idea where to take her, what to do, what she wanted to do, so this was the best he could think of for now. With greetings and laughs they found who they were looking for and after finishing their ice-creams and a quick chat they were off again. Heading in the opposite direction to the car he led her down a hill to the docks and up along the side of the break wall to until they reached the end. Climbing up onto one of the blocks and finding a space big enough for both of them he sat down out of the wind and looked up at the stars. She joined him and as they sat there all he wished time would stand still so that this moment would last forever. After a while of watching the stars and the green glow bobbing in the water that must have been somebody’s unwanted glow stick they lifted themselves up and hand in hand they traced their steps back along the edge of the break wall, up the hill past drunken yells, round the corner and up the street towards the car. "There is somewhere I want to take you" she said as they walked.
After following lefts and right in between stories of years before they stepped out of the car at the end of a road that ran along a beach he had never known existed. Following her lead he followed her down a sandy path and onto the beach, they swerved to the left and headed up the beach away from the only other people there, a group of young guys ran around playing with fire and yelling. As there got far enough away they sat down and he fell backwards into the sand again looking strait up into the heavens and admiring Gods stars as if they were put there just for tonight. As they laying each others arms in the sand something exploded in the sky and as they looked round they saw green lights dancing across the sky. Fireworks started blasting out from where the young guys were running around, and as if it were meant to be he was holding her as they watched their fireworks. They were for them, their own fireworks on new years eve, perfect didn’t even come close to how good this was. The fireworks finished and as 12 approached they talked about everything and anything and he was just happy to hold her. With 20seconds to go she closed her eyes and made him look away saying "No you’re not allowed to look at me until next year". Smiling he turned the other way and shut his eyes, smiling to himself with that goofy look he got when he couldn’t contain his joy. After she covered him in sand he stood to shake it off and then they both walked towards the rocks at the end of the beach. Threats of splashing and talk of what ifs as the night passed over them saw them heading back to the car as an idea of where they could venture to next hit him, now all he had to do was remember the way.

The start of a car and the sound of music filled their ears as they moved on in the night to a place that neither of them knew how to get to. As they turned corners and made their way along straits smiles were all that filled his eyes and lights were all that shone from hers. Turning in the direction of what he was thinking he took another right and drove on. Unexpectedly out of nowhere came a driveway with a car park overlooking the beach on the end of it. This was it, this was the place he had been thinking of, and as luck would have it, it found them. Getting out he had no idea of what he had in mind apart from the simple thought of spending every second of tonight with her. Walking side by side down the stairs their hands met at the bottom and they took a left and headed towards the rocks. Stopping and holding her close they both looked up at the moon that was lighting their path. It was as if this night had been planned for them, to start something great, something worth starting. Writing in the sand and jokes were exchanged as they both beamed back at one another. After moving back up the stairs and sitting at a nearby table for a little, eyes started to close and tiredness set in. Before they called it a night he had one last place that popped into his mind as if it were all part of the plan. They walked back to the car still hand in hand and as he let go he longed for her again, the touch of her skin on his, to hold her hand tight and to never let go.

Pulling up at a place so close to the beach that they had spent their joyful days, at the dead end of a street yet right on the waters edge, they stood. Together, never letting go, she pulled him close as he held her in his arms. They stood and as the conversation died their eyes met. Their heads sat close to each others and he closed his eyes. They stood for what seemed like half an hour, so close but yet so far away. She leaned forward at the exact same time and he leaned down and their lips touched, and in this moment everything was perfect. His mind seemed to have stopped, pushed everything but this moment out. All he could think of was this kiss, and this kiss alone. Then it was over. His heart knew so much in this moment, that it had only thought it knew before. This was never to be forgotten, and never to be regretted. Longing for just one more, but not at the same time wanting to wreck anything or spoil the first he looked down at his watch. Deciding it was time to get her home they both pulled each other in as close as they could and with this is was sealed, not wanting to go and never wanting to let go. This was what they had both chosen.

They pulled up outside the driveway, not daring to go down as not to wake a soul. He looked to her and as words banked up all he could get out was "Goodnight". She stepped out of the car with all the grace of an angel and as she closed the door the longing to have her back set in. He looked at her seat where she had been sitting and all he could think of was that this was the start, with no end in site.

He sat at his computer and as he typed those last words the end hit him flat in the face again and again, over and over, as hard as it could. Knocking all the wind, life and energy out of him every time it did. This story had ended, 2 months and 23 days after this amazing night, he heard her say the only things he couldn’t handle. He didn’t know if it was the fact that the amazing happy feeling you have when you first start going out with someone had worn off and she had mistaken it for the feelings she had for him dying. He didn’t know if it was him, even though she assured him it wasn’t he couldn’t wipe the thought from his mind. "Its not you its me" she had said, "Your an amazing person but I just don’t like you how I used to". He sat with nothing left in him, apart from thousands or words and questions, what ifs and please don’ts, we can make it works and Id do anything’s. He wanted to argue, he wanted to beg, he wants to stop her as she breaks what was left of the heart that he had let her have, even after promising himself he wouldn’t. Though he wanted to fight this and change it, he wasn’t going to. He sat as calmly as he could and with all the strength he could muster talked with all the composure of a rational person. Instead of putting up a fight, he put the words in her mouth for her and helped her get out what she wanted to say. In a sense he broke up with himself. Though she had been thinking of this for a week and her mind was made up, his heart started to fight him. Telling him he brought this on himself by putting the words there for her, his heart would never forgive him. He was, he is so willing to do anything to change this situation. He would do anything at all to change her mind, but that would mean she was not happy, and if that was the case he wouldn’t be able to live with himself anyway. He promised her at the start of all this that he would be by her side in everything she did and whatever decisions she made, so he is, in this decision, by her side. So taking in everything and not letting any of his own feelings escape he comforted her, he was there, and he always would be. His feelings could wait, another time they would have to be dealt with, not now, she needs me to be strong, not now.