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I'm still getting a feel for this place, but so far, the people I've come across are very nice. So I suppose I'll just feel free to start actually blogging now. Even if no one reads it. But one of my little quirks is that I'm pretty obsessive over things. I overanalyze everything and have a tendency to just plain think way too much. It annoys me, but other people keep telling me it's not so bad. They don't mind my weirdness. In fact, some of them actually seem to like it. Why, I'll never know....
But anyway, lately I've been feeling really tense and on edge for no apparent reason. I'm prone to anxiety and panic attacks, so that's always interesting. And right now, I feel like I'm just waiting for something really bad to happen. I can feel it. But I have no idea what it is. Or if it's even a real thing. It could just be me imagining things in my mind. I never can tell, which is what makes it so confusing.
There are some things in the back of my mind that I am concerned about. But I'm really just trying to ignore them because they aren't things I really can change. Sometimes things just are the way they are, and nothing you do will make them go away. And while maybe ignoring it isn't exactly the best thing to do, but if you can't change it, what else is there to do with it?
And maybe this is what's causing my anxiety? Maybe I'm afraid that ignoring things is gonna catch up with me eventually? I think that's probably it. Or at least part of it. But I don't know what to do about it either. It's not really a solvable problem. And I think that bugs the crap out of me. Because I love solving problems. If not for me, then for someone else. I'm always giving advice to people and trying to help them. And I spend way too many brain hours thinking of my own crap and trying to solve that too.
So when I come across something that just has no answer or remedy, I get frustrated. And when I'm frustrated, I get lost somewhere in my mind. And then everything just escalates and suddenly I'm swirling around in a black hole. But I suppose that I need to accept that sometimes every problem doesn't have a solution. And maybe you need to just roll with that and make the most of what you do know?
But that's hard for me. I guess you can say I'm a questioner. I question everything and want to know why things are the way they are. But sometimes that's just unknowable. There aren't answers for everything. But that doesn't mean I like it. I like answers. And solutions. And problems that can be eradicated easily. Who doesn't, right?
I'm not sure anyone else obsesses over this the way I do though. Probably not. Hopefully not. Because if everyone did, the world would be a very messed up place. Which of course, it actually is. But probably not because of this.....
*sigh*
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Posted by Thorne on 2008-02-28 19:19:27 | Rating: | Views: 66
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Believe it or not i am the same way. I overanalyze about the weirdest things sometimes and it sometimes makes me feel uneasy like i am not with it, there is something wrong with me but i just keep movin on and believing i will some day have genuine peace of mind but until then ill just wonder...
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Posted by Faithisstrength
on 2008-03-05 01:01:43
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