If anyone can relate, please let me know.

I am a 44 year old woman.  I am bipolar.   Five years ago I was diagnosed, but I've know something wasn't right since I was 16.  I have been able to track the manic and depressive episodes, occurring in three year cycles, from that point. 

I have never been in trouble with the law.  I have been told I am a pretty "high functioning" bipolar.  I had worked and paid my taxes.  I've purchased, and sold, two houses.  I am intelligent, creative, loving, and basically a good person...at least I thought so up until April 8th of this year. 

Let me back up a few weeks prior to that point. 

I was taking meds for the bipolar...Wellbuitron, Effexor and Seroquel.  That combo had been working pretty well for most of the time since I was diagnosed.  However, in March I became very sick...I believe it was with the flu.  I couldn't get well and after two rounds of antibiotics began to come around.  I was prescribed codiene for my cough and bronchial infection.  Shortly there after is when the trouble began.

On March 16th I attempted suicide.  My heart hurt and I was tired and it seemed like the right thing to do at the time to stop the pain.  There was no note, no cries for help...I was just too tired to go on.  A friend found me, 911 was called and I was "saved".  Recently I have been wishing she hadn't found me that morning and I would have just faded away quietly. 

I got in to see my psychiatrist as soon as his schedule allowed.  I asked if the Seroquel could be replaced by a different med and he gave me a two week sample of Geodon and immediately took me off the Seroquel.  Things seemed to be going well for a few days.  I had increased energy, was more active and was having creative ideas and plans going off in my head like fireworks....that is when I realized something was wrong...I wasn't "right".

I called my psychiatrist and got an appointment for the next day...explaining something wasn't feeling right...I wasn't feeling right.  They set an appointment for 11:30 the next day.  Twenty-two hours, no problem right?  Wrong.

By the time I should have been at my appointment I was sitting in the back of a police car being charge with felony assault with a deadly weapon. 

What I remember of that morning is sketchy at best.  I got up, got a cup of coffee, took my dog outside...I spilled some coffee, got the hose to spray off the deck... 

What the police report reads and what I have been told is pretty much that I held my roommate captive for over an hour and a half.  I had a knife, which I was going to use on myself, but put it away when my roommate asked me to.  I did however bite her (BITE her?  I'm not Tyson...I have no idea where this biting thing came from), slapped her, pulled her hair and choked her and threatened to kill her...

I remember none of this.  I can't even conceive of this...of myself doing this.  I have never done anything like this before and to think of myself doing this is...hard to wrap my head around. 

The worst part is that I hurt someone I love very deeply.  She has tried to be supportive and was instrumental in getting me out of jail.  She is now dealing with her emotions concerning "the incident" and has reached the anger stage.  (She doesn't understand about the med change and the effects that can have...with any med.)  I have lost my best friend, her trust...and it isn't over yet...there is still being held accountable in the eyes of the law for what I have done and the impact that will have on my life...

That's really all I can deal with writing about right now.  Please...if you, or someone you know, has had similar experiences with Geodon...or a med change in the first two weeks, please comment.