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I am lonely. I miss my husband. He is right next to the couch, sleeping on his bed. He seems to sleep the day away and stay up at night when I am my bed. Yes, my bed. He has a really bad back and he said that our bed hurts his back, and he won't sleep in it anymore. Since we have moved here, begining of Dec...he has spent most of it out here in the living room. I know he is in pain......but, at this point so am I. I think he just hears me, but doesn't care. I don't complain about him being out here.....he knows I don't like it. He knows cause this is a pattern from other places we have lived. The last place, we had our bed in the living room because it was a tiny two bedroom apt and the kids had the rooms.....so, it wasn't so bad. He slept in our bed but got to stay up watching his movies, and doing his stuff on his computer when he wanted.
I am tired. I can't get any help from the kids. I was really tired after getting the kids off to school today, so I went back to sleep and got back up at 10:30. Watched the remainder of the view, then got into the shower and got ready as I had a ton of running I had to do. I was out the door by 12:30. Had to take the garbage off to the place that we take it too (we haven't got curb service out here in the country), went and picked up Danny (11), then went and picked up Tiana (15), already had Christopher (8), went 15 miles away to the dr appts. First, stopped at the store, they had eggs on sale for 99 cents, but of course they were out at again. But, picked up a a whole pork loin for a great deal. Was $39 and change origanly, got it for $17 and change. And weat bread. Still cant' figure out how come wheat has to be so much more than white. Makes no sense to me. Whatever. Drove to the DR, which is actually the therepist. Tiana was in for a little over 45 minutes, and while Danny was in there, took Tiana to get allergy shots and pick up Christophers prescriptions. Took and dropped it off and found out that his others had not been called in to them. Drove back to the theripist, and Danny was out and took Christopher back. Did our 45 minutes, and then we had to go pick up the script that I dropped off. Went to the other pharmacy to get the others, and they said they didnt get a call for refills from doc. Came home, called the theripist office and they said they will call them back in . Made supper. Helped Brad take his shower. Watched Wife Swap, then went in to do the dishes, and started laundry. Here it is going on 12 am and I have done 5 loads of laundry and cleaned every inch of the kitchen. The whole time, not one person offered to help. Tiana ask why I look like I am mad. Lets see...........DUH!!! I am tired. I am lonely. I have really no one to talk to. I speak to a person on here, and once in awhile I talk to Brads ex wife. Which, she has me upset, so the conversations have been very limited and only when necessary to keep peace.
I have lost me. I read a lady's blog tonight about her marriage and how she lost herself....and that is what I have felt. I was very self sufficent before I met Brad. Now, I am on Social Security Disablitly. I wanna work, but...he wants me home. If I stayed on my meds, I could possibly work and do ok........at least I could hope that I could. But, I have to take care of the kids......the house, the animals......and of course.......my husband. I knew that when I married Brad I was going to have to help him.....but at this point....he isn't helping himself.....and he doesn't really talk to me. I want to be me again. I want to be able to have a relationship with other people...friends that is.....and not have to worry about making my husband and children for that matter feel like I have abandonded them.
I am tired. I have another busy day tomorrow.....and Friday. More appointments and more housewife duties. I miss my husband.....I miss me.
Sadiee Lady
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Posted by Thinks_2_Much on 2008-01-10 01:00:56 | Rating: | Views: 128
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1st of all miss, I weep 4 u. But if u want out of this funk u need 2 sit down & talk to your family about your side of the story. Next make sure your ok to work again,if tat's a yes then get out there & find ur job. Third instead of being snuck n that house all day and night, have fun be a teenager again. Then tell ur husnabd he needs to help himself, cause he's the man and he needs to act like one and finally find your self essteem, remember your happiness and who you are. YOU ARE A WOMAN, HEAR YOU ROAR!
Toodles
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Posted by rebeccasvocie
on 2008-01-14 13:42:42
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