So,

I can see that people really hated my first blog. But its doesnt matter. Because its who I am and I cant change that. So fine.

Right now I am so tired. More mental than anything, I have so much going on I can hardley keep up. I work full time to put my husband through college, and it looks like I may need to get a second job just to keep our heads above water. Everything is sinking and sinking fast. How can I pick it all back up?

I feel like I have this giant weight on my shoulders: I have a brokerage to manage everyday, I have to workout everyday, I have to count everything I eat, I have stupid OCD routines that I HAVE to do, I have a house to keep clean, I have my husbands registration and financial aid, I have our bills, I have our cars that I have to figure out a way to get fixed, I have what seems like everything to carry all at once. And lately I am so tired and so burnt out all I want to do is sleep. I just want to hide in my blankets.

Lord knows I am trying to keep it all together, he knows. But he is the only one. No one else see's how much I have to do and how badly I am struggling right now.

Not only do I have OCD and ED, but I also self injure. Its so strange, because I dont notice that I am doing it till the damage is done. I scratch myself to the point where I scar, huge holes and gashes. Its really pathetic. I just wish I could stop. I SO BADLY WANT IT ALL TO STOP! I feel so alone, no one understands me but Jesus himself. But sometimes I wish he were just actually physically here to hold me and help me through this.

Its all so much to take.