So, I am really trying to get this OCD under some kind of control.
My husband had a complete melt down the other night. And it is all my fault.
I never noticed how much stress my issues place on him. All he wants is for me to be happy, and its killing him that I cant be.
I almost feel like leaving him, just because he deserves someone so much better than I am.
I cannot stop scratching myself, once again I have these huge holes that I dug out of my skin the other day. They look horrible and feel even worse. I could every calorie i take in, i compulsively exercise for weeks, i dont sleep for days at time, I complusively re-arrage the whole house at night. Then I just shut down completely... and I do nothing for weeks. Its like I just get so so so so so consumed that my body has to shut down to recharge.
My husband has seen this cycle for the past 3 1/2 years... and is getting very tire of it.
I understand.
I am tired too.
Unfortunatly... I just cant stop. And I dont know what to do.
Maybe its best if I left him, that way he could have a better life. But I think leaving him would kill me inside, no... it would kill me inside.
I love him so much.