Theresia_Harvard

I am such a sucker!

2008-04-28T06:54:08-04:00

Frustration seems to rule my head today. I had all these brilliant plans to finish all my work and then go for a good cuppa coffee ... but, darn it, the phone willnot stop ringing in my years, Dr. phil is blabbing on the TV and I have had a teary woman crying her heart out to me because MY dog got out and she found it and she wanted to keep it.

Needless to say ..... work has now flown out of the window, I have a headache from hell and the silly dog is now back where it belongs, in the yard with my other 2 dogs.

I think that I must of lost my mind becoming a bookkeeper. I have tried various other positions, but I always end up trying to balance other people's money.

Today is just not my day, hence I am going to retire to the TV (what a waste of time) and I shall try and work again tonight. Maybe my headache will ttake a hike, and maybe this silly guy will send me the sms he promised.

Ahhh, I have hit the nail on the head! He has gone playing golf. We chatted for hours on Saturday night, Sunday turned out to be a total waste trying to speak to him, because he was busy with some press release, and today, well, he is on the golf course.

And here I am, a rational 44 year old acting like a little 14 year old girl that has fallen madly in love with her 1st boyfriend. I mean, hello ...... I am 44 .... and we are not an item at all .... but this guy is messing with my mind and heart, and he is oh so totally unaware of what he is doing.

I think that I better get him out of my mind, and put him "away" for a while. He is now seriously frustrating me lol ....

Bloggers ..... I am outa here for now .... as I am tired and going to go and get rid of this headache!

My mom

2008-04-27T05:35:34-04:00

Mom,

I woke up with a sense of wonder this morning. I knew that I had to phone you to say hello. I say hello to you everyday, and I see you everyday. But today, for some or other reason, I had to hear your familiar voice.

I want to say thank you for carrying me those long 9 months, for raising me and taking care of myself until I left home. For never blaming me for making all those stupid mistakes. But most of all I thank you for loving me unconditionally.

From you, I have learnt to laugh at the world, I have learnt that accepting people for who they are, is one of the most important virtues in life. You have taught me that above all, a love for God is what means the most in a person's life. You have taught me to be accepting of people and life in general. you have showed me how to be the best person that I can be. But most of all, you have taught me the courage to stand up when I have fallen, to fight for what is righfully mine, and to never use excuses for things that go wrong.

And my dad, (yes, I call you dad), God has given me the perfect replacement for my own dad. Thank you for loving me like your own, for taking care of me, for being that special person in my life that has showed me that life is fun filled and fulled with good people.

Mom and dad, I love you both!

A brand new baby!

2008-04-26T15:14:56-04:00

Yes, yes yes! It is true! I am going to become a granny in December of 2008! I cannot believe that this miracel has been bestowed in my life. Me, a granny!!!! Yippeeeeee.

My daughter of 26, is going to bring a small part of me into this world. My very very own grand child. My happiness is boundless, I cannot thank God enough for this little miracle that is growing inside my lovely daughter.

The absolute joy of buying the most tiny garments, feeling the softness .... I can almost smell my grand child. Seeing all the most beautiful little baby beds and cotts, prams and the most beautiful bedroom decorations! I just cannot wait for this little miracle to see what a wonderful place she will be entering. She will be the most loved little girl in the entire world.

But, there is also a great amount of sadness, as great grandpa is not there to experience this miracle with us. Somewhere out there, I know that dad is watching, and that he would of wanted to be part of this. I miss you my dad, so very, very much!

As for me and grand child ..... I will be keeping this blog going to tell and share about this wonderful little human being that is preparing to join us!

Finding love?

2008-04-26T14:46:59-04:00

If anyone ever told me that meeting someone online could invade your own personal mind space, I would of laughed at them. I mean hello ..... meeting someone online .... look at a photo or two, chat a bit and you are in love? Naaaah, no way, not possible. And nope, it has not happened to me either ... BUT!!!!!! I have met someone online, and my little world is a bit rocked by this gentleman.

He is funny and witty, makes me laugh at what he "says", always have an answer for anything I have to "say". Blue eyes, which by the way, is my favourite colour, grey hair, and he seems larger than life.

This scares me, as I was not out shopping for someone .... I was merely looking at an online dating site, and he popped up. Looking at his photo, something chemically must of gone "haywire" in my brain, because I felt drawn to his photo.

I tried to ignore it, for 2 days, and finally thought that hey, what do I have to loose? Why not say hello and maybe I make a new friend.

Well, I did say hello .... and I did make a new friend. He lives almost around the corner from me, and it is a scary thing how much we have in common. By looking at his photo, and reading what he is "saying", I have managed to sum him up almost totally, and almost 100% accurate at it too.

Now come on people, that is freaky! And to make it worst, we enjoy the same things, enjoy the same music, and even like the same colour.

Now listen, I am a level headed person, I think with my head, not my heart. But why does my heart skip a beat when there is an e-mail from him? Why do I get butterflies when we chat? This is crazy! Insane! Total madness!!!!

But hey, why not go for it hey .... maybe this is THE MAN for me :-)

And now, I am giggling at myself for having such silly thoughts ...

Death of a Rock ....

2008-03-27T05:09:49-04:00

Ten years .... such a long time, and yet, it goes so quick. So often I do not realize that time passes, until I see a specific thing, or hear a song that brings back a flood of memories.

I was looking at bubblydi's blog, and heard a song by REM, Everybody Hurts. And yes, the memories came flooding back.

Not memories that I want to keep alive, but yet, they seem to keep themselves alive.

Dad passed 10 years ago. To say it was a shock, is a rather huge understatement. I saw dad the week before, and we made arrangements for a future that would mean that he would be moving in with me. See, dad was getting old, and to my mind, should not have been alone anymore. Non the less, the arrangements where made and I was blissfully happy knowing that I would have this opportunity to have my dad around.

Nightly telephone calls confirmed that we where still on track for the move the coming Friday. Dad stayed over 700km's from me, so yes, this was a seriously big move for him. But I was confident knowing that once he was with me, things would be ok.

Thursday night I phoned dad, but he was not there. So I thought not to panic, but to get some sleep, as I had this long and tiring drive the next day, as well as the moving. Dad's room was ready, and my daughter was eager for grandpa to come and stay. My sisters and brother all agreed that it was best for him to stay with me, as we where very close. But most importantly, Dad agreed as well.

Came Friday morning, I was awoken by the phone. Looking at my electric alarm clock, I realised we had a power failure during the night, and I was late, very late. I ran to answer the phone. And my life became bottomless.

It was a police officer, enquiry about my details. Once all the details where confirmed, I was informed that my dad committed suicide in the early morning hours. He took an overdose of heart tablets.

I was histerical, not knowing why, why dad? I put the phone down, knowing that I had to let the rest of the family know. But I had no strength. Eventually, I phoned my mom, and somehow, even after being divorced for 20 years, she knew.

My daughter was by my side, not knowing what was really going on. After explaining to her what had happened, and what I had to do, she was numb from shock. I realised that I still had to make the journey ......

And I did. While taking the 7 hour drive, the same thoughts where playing out in my mind. Why did you do this dad? Why now? Did you not realise that by ending your own life, you have taken a big piece of mine and my daughter's life as well? I kept on thinking, that not ever again will you see the beauty of a sunrise dad, or the lovely sight of a rainbow. You will not see my daughter grow up and become a beautiful woman. But most of all, I will never hear you call me sweetheart again. Your strong and loving voice has been stilled, not by God, but by your own hand.

I turned the radio on, and "Everybody Hurts" started playing .... it brought me back to the harsh reality that yes, everybody hurts ..... but it is how we deal with this hurt that is of vital importance.

I managed to do what needed to be done for my dad, and life carried on. But, until the end of time .... I will remember that everybody hurts ... and we, as mere mortals, do not have all the answers.