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Public Schools and Theo

When Theo was 3, we put him in the public school's CARE program. Ms. W was his teacher and I think that she actually grew to love him very much. He was with her for two years, until he was old enough to attend Kindergarten.

One thing that I haven't mentioned is that Theo is very rigid. He is getting better, but things have to be done a certain way. He has to get dressed before he eats breakfast. He has to be in bed exactly on the hour, etc.

So, needless to say, going to school was a trial for Theo in the beginning. He didn't transition well between activities and would have a meltdown if things didn't go the way he thought that they should go. Most of the time, there was a logical explanation for his meltdown, if you were patient enough to get it from him.

For example, when he was being tested to see what he knew, he was asked to count as far as he could. Theo understood the repetitiveness of numbers early. He understood that there were tens, hundreds, thousands, etc. Thus, he could have counted all day. But that day, he stopped at 27. When asked why, he said because it was the 27th day of the month. That was his 3-year-old logic.

We didn't tell anyone at the school about Theo. We figured that if he learned how to socialize with his peers, the year would be a success. So, Ms W was a bit surprised one day at reading time. Imagine this, if you will: All the young ones sitting on the carpet and Ms W reading a story. She skips a line or two, because she's running behind. Theo comes up off the floor, "No! No! No! You skipped!" That's how Ms W found out that Theo could read.

I think they began to understand each other at that point. Theo read to the class during reading time. If he didn't want to dance the hokey pokey, that was fine, he could sit quietly and read a book. If he didn't want to participate in writing out the letter "A", he read a book.

Fast forward to Kindergarten. Three days into the school year, we get a phone call. There were some concerns about Theo. He cried when he came into the classroom, rolled around on the floor during the day, and then cried when he went home. Ms B said that she understood that Theo could read and had gotten some special books for him from the library that he could pursue during reading time, but it was important that he participate in the classroom activities.

Fair enough. I offered to come to school with Theo the following Monday to see what was going on and offer advise on how to deal with him.

But I really needed to understand some of his behaviors before we went in on Monday. So, when Theo got off the bus, I asked him. "Why do you cry when you get to school?" He shrugged and said, "They're done playing and I have to help clean up the mess." What the heck was he talking about? Apparently, some of the kids whose parents worked early were dropped off for pre-school care. Theo rode the bus. He arrived in time to see that he had missed something, hadn't participated and then was asked to help clean up. Pretty unfair from a child's (and some adult's) perspective.

"So, why are you crying when you leave?" I asked. Theo pointed to the clock. "Look, it's not even 2:15 and I'm already home from school." Because of the heat, they had early dismissal. Nobody, including us, had bothered to explain to Theo the why behind this and it went against his schedule.

I didn't even ask him about the rolling on the floor, cause I knew. We got to school early on Monday and Theo was excited to witness the mysterious pre-school activities that he had been missing out on. He was given a packet of papers and a basket full of shapes. On the paper were figures that he had to manipulate to cover all the black areas of the shapes. Pretty basic. Well beneath his level. As I sat across the room, I saw him sigh and push the activity away from him. He glanced over at me and I motioned for him to do the activity. He did it grudgingly, but he did it.

While the early kids were working on this, Ms. B was walking around tying a piece of yarn around each child's right wrist. There was a brief, silent struggle between the teacher and Theo when she attempted to tie it on his wrist. I didn't push – it's one of those weird things with Theo. The string would have driven him nuts. And he knoWs his left from right.

Once all the other kids got there, it was time for carpet time. Five minutes were spent trying to figure out the day of the week. Another five were spent trying to figure out the month. Theo finally had enough and said, "It's August 27, 2007." Ms. B's response, "Theo, let other's think for themselves." What she really said was, "Theo, you can't participate."

Table time came next. Packets were given out with various sentences about expected behavior in various parts of the building and the children were supposed to draw a picture about the sentence. Theo wants nothing to do with drawing, has never wanted to draw (unless it was anatomical pictures). I understand that he has to do what he doesn't want to do. I watch the power play between Ms. B and Theo escalate.

Now, I have to give this woman credit. Here was the parent of a difficult child in the room. I would have been nervous as hell and I don't know if I would have had this tussle with the parent sitting there. It had to be difficult.

I finally called out to Ms. B and she walked over. "Theo." I said. "You are expected to participate in all the activities in school. Pick up the crayon and draw the picture that you have been asked to draw." Theo complied, except that he drew the opposite of what was being asked. When Ms B made a comment about that, Theo glanced over at me and picked up a red crayon. He drew a circle around it and a line through it.

During recess, Ms B and I talked a bit. She asked how we knew that he was gifted, and I explained that Ms W had asked us to get him tested for Aspergers the year before and that Dr E said that he didn't have it. Her response was, "That's too bad. I can't do much for him without a label." I bit my tongue. Then she actually asked if I expected her to teach him something this year. I looked at her and smiled. "No... No, I don't."

There were other small things that happened that day, but I'm not going into them all. The next day, Theo went to school by himself. There was a phone call home about 9 am. I don't know exactly what happened to set him off, but my husband was able to calm him down and direct him to participate.

The next day, another phone call came. Hubby was unsuccessful in calming Theo down, so I got on the phone.
"What's wrong, Theo?"
"I have to find out what happens." He sobbed.
"What are you supposed to be doing?" I asked.
"I don't want to cut out a circle or write the letter A. I know that. I want to find out what happens." He was almost screaming.
"What happens where?" I asked.
"What happens in the dinosaur book."

How many of you are readers out there? How many times have you stayed up in the wee hours of the night to finish a book because you just had to find out what happened? This is what Theo was going through.

Now, I wasn't pissed because Theo was expected to participate in the activity, I was pissed because there was absolutely no compromising or attempts to make any of the activities somewhat challenging for him. Would it have been so hard to say, "Theo, after you cut this circle into fourths, and write the best line of A's you can, you can read another page of that book."?

Needless to say, hubby picked Theo up immediately. While my husband went to go get him, I called a private school that a woman runs out of her home. She's a lifesaver. I'll write more on this later.

So, here's my complaints on the public school system:

A. Teachers are not trained to deal with the gifted.
B. There is minimal funding for the gifted. Had Theo been born with Downs, he would have had a personal aide.
C. I have to get Theo listed with a disability to get him the education he deserves in the public school.

A funny:

A week after Theo was pulled from school, Ms B emailed us and told us that she did not realize that Theo had such a fan club. She asked that we keep in touch. We received another email this last week asking how he is doing. I believe both emails were prompted by Ms W.