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First Blog/ Random Thoughts

Today was a somewhat productive day, wasn't it? I stayed up all night, and never went to sleep.. worked out all morning with Robert, hung out with he and Amanda.. came home, made dinner.. and now I'm here. I've managed to stay off of the internet for the majority of the day which is good because that was my one main goal. I wanted to stay offline because I wanted to do something productive with my day, and I wanted to feel as if I had done something. I also wanted to keep my mind off of Santos. =( Of course. He never got on aim last night like the said he would and I haven't spoken to him today. I've though, that it's not the end of the world, no matter how much it may seem that way. Robert tried talking me into dating Angel. Angel is a hot boy, no doubt, but he does have a girlfriend. Excuse me if I'd rather date someone that didn't previously consider cheating on his girlfriend with me. I want to be with someone that I'm sure will be faithful to me. Going into a relationship with trust issues right off bat is not a good way to go, I think. I think the whole Santos thing is over though, for the most part - which is really strange considering that it barely started, and considering that he always acted as though he had feelings for me. Well, let me rephrase that, he acted like he had feelings for me on aim, but not in person. He's not rude to me in person or anything, he's just distant. But distance obviously takes it's toll. (sp.check). Anyway, I managed to stay offline for the majority of the day and save myself the embarassment of obsessing over his myspace page for hours. Pathetic, I know, but love makes you stupid. So be it. I found out that Amanda actually has a thing for me too. She's a nice girl, but I'm not sure I see us happening. I have very strong feelings for Tos, and even if I didn't.. she doesn't really seem to be my type. I feel like I WANT to like her though. I suppose it's because it'd be so easy to like her and date her. I wouldn't be alone anymore. But I want to make sure that I'm not settling if I do decide to date her, ever. OKay, enough about crushes and being pathetic and blah blah blah.

I was supposed to go to Spartanburg Tech today to talk about Financial Aid, but that didn't go through. When it got around the time for my departure, I decided to stay at home. I just felt really really tired.. but I suppose not sleeping at all the previous day will do that to you, won't it? I need to go tomorrow definitely, but Robert is having a get together at his house early that morning. It will be me, him, Amanda and a bottle of Vodka. I'm looking forward to this, especially considering the fact that I can't smoke anymore. Nursing school and my insane mother both prevent my smoking marijuana. Oh well. ::sighs:: Life goes on. And up the bottle turns.

I've acutally decided to take this time (locked up in my mothers house, also on account of her insanity) to better myself. I'm working out more, reading more, playing more games, thinking more, drawing more, and writing more. I do believe my mother to be quite harsh most of the time but what she's done has helped me quite a bit.

Well, my sister is talking to me now, and my mind is straying, so I'll either write later tonight, or I'll write tomorrow.

Night All.

~EMF