As the descendant of peasant Irish farm laborers, I pride myself on my vast knowledge of potatoes. My extensive collection of sweater buttons has also garnered me much fame. I am able to speak with beetles, and have published seventeen volumes of research on the subject of telepathic human-beetle communication.

My hobbies include: Brushing my teeth, scalping mangoes, discussing the works of Vivaldi, smelling cheese, alchemy, playing polo, riding tortoises, and combing vast meadows in search of the reclusive milk thistle plant.

I also have twelve children in 3 continents and a cockerspaniel in Cleveland.

Thank you.