Alright so I'm in college, so its a new experience. I think I am adjusting well I mean I'm not really homesick and my classes are going well. But what I am having trouble is making friends. That has always been a problem for me since I started high school. For the first time in my life, I was alone. My closest friend since kindergarden changed schools. It had always been her and I. With her depature, there were so many different things going on. I've always been quiet while she's been extremely loud, so that overshadowed me a lot. Anyways, it felt me feeling very out of place even though I 'knew' a good amount of people in my class because we went to middle school together. Over my time in high school, I only made three really good people however, two were a year older and one was kicked out my junior year because of someone else. So here comes senior year, I tried to get closer to people like I did junior year but all my work seemed to unravel as the year progressed. Now, here I am in a totally new environment with so many new people that making friends shouldn't be hard but it is. I tried to get to know a couple girls but my attempt seemed to flop. I hang around with a large group of girls and eat with them but I don't feel like I am connecting with them as friends and that is what has me confused. I have come up with one theory which goes as follows: 1) I've had so many friendship flops over the ears that I'm afraid to try again in case the same thing happens again. 2) My long time friend had a large and negative effect on me and that has started to show just like in first year of high school. I mean, I was definitely was a better friend to her than she was to me. Come on,isn't it rude or is it just me, if you make plans with someone that you don't do it in front of someone who isn't going to be a part of it? I often heard what she and one of our other friends were going to do and I was never included.  I would be lying if I said that it didn't hurt because of it. Let's not forget to mention that very few people liked he, my mom has said befriending her was one of my worst mistakes and now looking back I have to agree So maybe I'm hesitant to let anyone close because I'm terrified that he/she will hurt me. I know that I'm very guarded and tend to keep people at a distance. I want to have a couple friends who are really close to me but I let that fear of being hurt get in the way of letting people get close. Then I have this one friend who i've known since eighth grade who has this one friend, that is so close that they can tell what the other is thinking/feeling like from a chick flick. I can't help being jealous. I don't know what to do anymore.