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My friends as much as I love them don't really know a lot about me. Part of the it is me, I will admit it. I think one thing is that I'm very willing to trust them with my life but not as willing to trust them with my secrets though I have immense trust and faith in them. I think that it is like that because I'm afraid. Not of them of course but of other things. My greatest fear is being vulnerable and that absolutely terrifies me; so by telling them the secrets that I keep close to me I would make myself vulnerable to them and I'm not sure I could handle that. I also have issues when it comes to other people and their opinions of me. Part of me believes that if I tell my secrets esp. about my depression then they won't want anything to do with me anymore. I know its irrational but its there. I hate and love being alone. I love being alone so I can relax and do things I need to do. However, I hate being alone because Ithe feeling of lonliness becomes really strong to the poing that I end up crying and thinking things I shouldn't think of. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life which is another fear of mine. I have had one bad friendship that has severely damaged me though people can't see it. I really need to get out of this state of mind right now 'cause I'm doing some serious crying. Will write more later.
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Posted by TheWanderer on 2008-09-03 23:36:42 | Rating: | Views: 49
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i read your other blog about your depression, and i just want to say i'm really sorry that you had to go through that.
i know what you mean about not being able to tell your friends about having had depression and feeling like they won't want anything to do with you, but there's a good reason they're your friends! as your friends they will probably accept it, as they accept you. you won't be a burden to them, and they will probably want to help you. i understand your fear, and i have the same fears myself most of the time (i've had a really bad experience with friendship too), but i'm sure they won't react that way to you.
but if you don't want to speak to them about it still, you could always see a counsellor? i know most people don't want to, but putting your feelings, (and bad memories), out there really helps.
i hope i helped.. and i hope i wasn't giving unwanted advice =[
good luck in the future!
xo
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Posted by indiechick
on 2008-09-04 05:06:32
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i was like that too, not wanting to tell people about my depression because they seemed so happy in their lives and i was afraid that they'd think me weird and judge me, and criticize me saying i'm doing things for attention. I dont open up as much as a lot of my friends do, but i DO have certain friends that i know i can tell anything to, about 2 or 3 that i know are with me til the end... i couldnt live without them, i really couldnt. if anything happened to one of them... well i dont know what i would do. But let's hope that doesnt happen...
gosh.
i understand completely.
hope all turns out okay
Emeh<3
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Posted by hearxmexrawrr
on 2008-09-04 06:25:51
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