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Christmas time is here, bringing in lights, presents, trees, and shopping. I should feel happy right? Well, I don't.
It's no secret that I don't like shopping but Christmas shopping? I hate it the most. It's okay if I'm shopping for my immediate family and my best friends because I know them. I don't have to worry about my mom's extended family because she's an only child and I know Grandma, Grandpa, and Great-Grandma really well. But my dad's extended family? *cue heart-breaking music* Most of them I haven't talked to, much less seen, in years. Some of them, I've never even met. It just reminds me how far away from my family I really am (which is pathetic because I'm not even an adult yet). I don't know what they like, who they are, or if they even like me.
All this makes me want to be closer to them so I can know what to get them but that only reminds me how...disturbed my family really is and so I don't want to get so closer to them. Adding that into my mess, and you get one depressed me that ends up feeling really broken.
What makes it worse is when people around me start saying stuff like "I'm talking to my cousin" or "We're going to a family reunion. It'll be so much fun!". The last time I talked to any cousin was about three years ago. As for "Family Reunions" it's anything but! Most of my dad's family doesn't actually show up. As for the "family love" we have almost none. Even my little brother can sense the tension between family members. It's like we're just waiting for someone to say one thing wrong before BAM!
Long story short: I feel depressed because I have almost no connection with my extended family and yet other people do. I know more about my Math teacher than I know about them, and it hurts. It hurts deeply.
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