I decided not to call this " You probably won't read this" because it is obvious that some of you have. And I thank you for reading, and I thank you for commenting.  It kind of heps to know that someone knows what has happened. Even though it is Anonymously.


    So, picking up from where we left of, I was molested. Now, some of you would wonder, why didn't she tell her mother or father?. Well when someone tells you that what you did was wrong and that it was your fault, and the consequences of what you did is that you're parents will hate you forever. You believe it. So I didn't tell them. I was scared. I already had the feeling that my mother was always mad at me for some reason. So I was scared.

   I didn't play with that boy again. It didn't matter for they moved away a little while later.  so a couple years pass and my brothers uncle comes to visit with his girlfriend and two sons..  My lil brother and new cousins and I were playing down in the basment , "David" was 11 , I was 7, "Tobi" was 5 and my lil brother was 4.  We were playing house. David and I were  "married" and the other two were "friends living down the street". Anyways my mother called my lil brother .. and he went up stairs, and Tobi followed him. So it was just David and I.  David wanted to still play house. So we were playing then David says " Its night time now. we have to go to bed" So. I grabbed my blankie and laid on the couch. and pretended to sleep. Then I felt David get on top of me. I asked him what we were doing and he replied " having sex its what the mommies and daddies do"  by this time I have heard of the word sex. and it was bad. I tried to push him off. but he as too big.  I was molested again. And this time I was scared ..  David said we had sex.. and that it was my fault too. So again I didn't tell anybody. 

   I kinda knew what happened if you had sex. You had a baby. at the age of 7 . I thought I was pregnant.  I was so scared that I was going to have a baby and that my momma was going to hate me for ever. But as the months went on. I realized I wasn't.

   So .. by now. I'm screwed up. I know about sex and things that I shouldn't. Anyways I was a crier as a child.  i broke something..  I cried, I lost something I cried, and crying was unacceptable in the house hold. My momma ued the famous line " If you're gonna cry I'll give you something to cry about" And she did. It was called "The Strap" and it was a piece of floor tile that was cut out to the shape of a paddle.  And when she hit you with that.. there was no moving around and making a fuss to make the punishment shorter. You put your hands on the coffee table and bent over with your bare rear end in the air.  It was horrible. it wasn't a couple and then you're done oh no.. it was so you're ass and the back of your legs were black and blue. My sister and I got it the worst.

   Now you would think that because my sister and I were sharing a room, Getting the same punishment and were the only girls that we would get along right? .. Hellz no. my siste hated me with a passion.. ignoring me and belittling me whenever she could. but then. something changed. she wanted to talk to me. she wanted me to hang around her.  I had a nightmare once.. and crawled into her bed..  I was about to sleep when she started kissing me and touching me in the "bad places"  I always wondered why she did that.. found out that she was being touched by her dad when she went to visit him.  I don't hate my sister know. she was sorry that she did it and she was confused.

   That same year she moved out.. So all my mothers rage was given to me. I was the only target left. She wouldn't dare hit my Big brother.. he was her favorite. and she wouldn't dare hit my lil brother for he was the baby. It was I that was givin the strap for crying in the night because of a nightmare. It was I that was givin the strap because I forgot to pick up my toys..  I really thought I was bad.. evil. and rotten. Why else would she hit me ? 

My dad, he was my hero. I would try to visit him everyday. and when I turned 11 I moved in with him. It was so awesome. but he noticed something That I was extra careful not to do something wrong. that I was trying really hard to please him and that whenever something bad happened Accidently like me dropping a plate while doing dishes I would flinch and cry and hide. So he took me to councelling. I never did tell the councellor that I was molested or just how brutal the beatings where that my mother gave me. I just told him how I was scared that I would make my dad made and send me away. they bought it..  And life was good..  Until my dad got a new girlfriend .. and she ruined eveything.