Hello again dear reader, come back for more I see? well, lets get on with it then, take my hand as we dive into my past.

Ahh Highschool. I liked highschool. But that was mostly because I liked to learn. The social part of it. wasn't so good my first 2 years. I was the weird and strange one. I was one of the goth kids. A freak. Yet that wasn't the part that got to me. I enjoyed my freakiness and the way that I was different. It was the teasing and the belittling and the racist comments that I hated. I am 3/4 Native American, or American Indian, Or A First Nation, depending where you live and what term you use.. I'm Ojibwe (Known as Chippewa in the States), Odawa, and Potawatami. I lived in a white town ..  My own little brother is white and I've heard a number of racist comments from him. 

This was also the time that my father's fiance would call CAS (Childrens Aid Society) and Make false accusations about my mothers new boyfriend. Saying that he was touching me and that my mother was drunk all the time. Which was false. By this time my mother and I were getting along. Except for the absence of my father and the trials and tribulations of highschool It was the best part of my life so far. Then the police and the CAS came. Rumors around town spread like wild fire. And life started to suck again.. My momma didn't sing no more, We started arguing again, And then my lil brother came to live with us again.

My lil brother.. "Mike" was living with his grandmother.. until he was charged with Assualt with a weapon . He wasn't allowed to live at his Dads cuz is father was charged with assualt when he came home one night, drunk, and beat up his wife.

 Now, my brother and I used to get along when we were younger.. and didn't really see much of each other when I moved to my dads. Then when I moved back he had already moved to HIS dads..  Now all he had for me was pure Hatred. He hated me and told me so, Every chance he got he would hit me with blocks of wood, Beat me with his fists (even though I'm 3 yrs older.. he's 3 times bigger) Anything he could hit me with he would.. and I wouldn't hit him back.. Cuz I loved my lil brother.. and I really wasn't allowed to hit him anyways. He didn't care if anyone saw him.

Then, one day I had had enough. Him and I were fishing on the docks. Right down town were everyone can see us, I wanted to go home cuz I didn't feel well and he got angry.. he reeled up his line. took off the worm. came over to were I was and started whippin me with his fishing rod, I finally grabbed it away from him and threw it away, he got even more pissed and threw me on the ground, and started punching me in the head. People were staring as I yelled at him to stop. I finally threw him off me and started  to get up. but he was too quick, he turned around and kicked me in the throat. I couldn't breathe, I sat there gasping for air as tears rolled down my cheeks. A lil boy that was watching came over and gave me my glasses as  Mike just stood there.. making fun of me for crying. Thats when I snapped.

I put on my glasses and wiped my tears away, I stood up and waked over to Mike so that I was a few inches away from his face. And I saw him flinch. He knew that something inside of me had changed. That like him I had a beast inside of me.. And it was now awake and fuckin angry. And its wrath was going to come when I opened my mouth.

What I did next is something that I'm not really proud of. I looked my little brother in the eye, And tore him apart. I didn't use my hands or an object. But I used fierce words to cut him emotionally. I was relentless. I ripped him apart emotionally until he sat down and cried. Then I walked away, I just. walked. I kept walking around town until i finally went home. My momma was waiting for me. And when I got threw that door, the first thing she asked me was "How could you hurt you're little brother like that" .. I said nothing. I tried to go into my room before I said something to hurt her too, but she blocked my path, and slapped my face. I just stared at her..  I stared at her for a good 10 minutes. And then I saw the same thing in her eyes that I saw in my brothers. Uncertainty, Confusion, and most of all, Fear.  she moved off to the side and let me go to my room where I lay in bed. thinking..

I heard my momma talking to her mother ( I don't call her "grandma")  the next morning, Talking about how she saw something in my eyes, something cold, hard, and mean. It was enough to scare her, enough to make her never hit me or say another mean thing again. 

Not quite finished writting about my life. But don't worry dear reader, its almost over only one more blog after this one should cover it. Maybe 1 long one and another short one.