No.. I'm not talking about emotion bruises or bruises on my soul or anything deep like that -- I'm talking about real, legit, purple and black BRUISES.

I'm frikkin covered in them. It seems like every time I go out (drunk and sober) I end up with another bruise or two. Oh, and my ankle that I "twisted" 3 weeks ago... still swollen to the size of a golf ball. If any one on here is a doctor please tell me what the hell to do about this.

I currently have a bruise (and a scrape) on my knee, a scrape on my knuckle (from punching the pool table), two bruises on my hips.. one on each side for good measure. A brand new bruise on my shin.. and probably more.

This nonsense must stop. I'm going to start going on covered in bubble wrap.