I’ve made a sort of list of people I believe karma is after. It’s called Karma’s Hit List, but do not be alarmed, I’m sure some uptight reader will complain that I’m corrupting my readers by mentioning a hit list. To that reader, blow yourself. So. Here it is.

1. Me. Sadly, karma will come back and bite me in the ass, it happens to the best of us.

2. The bitch who stole my art project in the third grade. This chick thought she’d play it off like that painting of fish was hers. Just wait. I still remember, and so does karma.

3. The assholes who have broke my heart, and any other girls’ heart.

4. The jerks who frequently test my patience by sticking rolled up fliers in the railing of my porch.

5. The newspaper guys, who throw the newspaper on the bush in my front yard, or worse yet, on the dew soaked grass, instead of exerting a bit more effort to make it to my porch.

6. The two miniature pug dogs that tired to eat me when I was walking.

7. My alarm clock, for breaking.

8. My bedroom wall, for allowing me to throw things at it, and letting them break on impact.

9. The old guy I worked with named Ernie, for wiping a sweat soaked sponge on my arm.

10. My older neighbor Buck, for coming out of your house in nothing but shorts and gold chain. You disgusted me.

11. The creator of the rubics cube, I’ve yet to solve.

12. My neighbor, Mike. For allowing your five cats to roam around the neighborhood.

13. The old lady who ran over my toes with her shopping cart. I do believe she was plotting it.

14. My hippie heels, for looking so sweet, but kill my feet.

15. My car, for being an ugly car instead of a Kawasaki Ninja motorbike, or better yet a new Camero.

16. The psychic who did my tarot card reading. For being right about most everything.

17. My dog, Elvis. For chewing up a pair of my Vans last year.

18. My sister Julie, for getting me hooked on the Stephen King books that now overpower my room.

19. The lucky bastard who found my message I threw into lake Michigan in a Jones Soda bottle. May you never find out who I am.

20. For the genius that invented caller-ID. Thank you. Never again will I pick up the phone only to have it be the one person I don’t want to talk to.

21. To the person who invented guitars, Thanks for enticing me to buy one, only to never play it.

22. My bank, which fooled me into an ATM card, only to let me spend too much.

23. To the asshole who decided at eighteen, I COULD run off to war, smoke, and vote (possibly ruining my nation by voting for someone who can’t run a country.), and yet set the drinking age at twenty-one.

24. My sisters for supporting my want for a tattoo, only to have me become addicted to them, getting a second one two months after the first and leaving me wanting more.

25. To the fuckers who criticize a woman’s sexuality, and yet leave a man’s alone.

26. Anyone who has ever laughed at John Lennon. You suck.

27. That damn piece of lint that hung from the light above my computer in 3D Modeling in 12th grade. The one I thought would eventually fall and someone would inhale, dying. Ask Dana, she knows what I’m talking about.

28. The guys on the fishing boat last summer. The ones who sat there pretending to fish while we swam topless, and didn’t make themselves known until we had our tops back on.

29. That certain cousin of mine who likes to call me a whore behind my back, and yet tries to be my friend to my face.

30. Time. You SUCK!

31. Procrastination, why do you prey on me?

32. Chelsea for calling me a "sexaholic" in the IT GIRL book. Thank you for that. Really.

33. To the dick head in 7th grade who called me fat.

34. To the bastard fuck up who killed my beloved Nickie. Fuck karma if I ever find you, you’re a dead man.

35. Kyle’s roommate, Duke. May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits. You suck. Kyle deserves much better.

36. the fast food joints, bad politics and simple minded whores that make up this great country.