Tomorrow is my birthday.  I am so sad and depressed, not about my birthday but about where my life is right now.  Somehow the birthday and this saddness and depression have partnered; with each day over the past few weeks I have been going deeper into this place.  Today I had to struggle to just survive.  I have been thinking so much about people I love and cared about who aren't here anymore.  Most have died, others I have lost track of and some I have just neglected.  I seem to miss them so deeply and profoundly right now and I have no idea why.  I am quite tired and weary right now.   Ihave been drinking quite a lot which is very unusual.   I even cried a couple of times.  I came across this site and so here I am writing my thoughts.  I have a nice home and a good job, a relationship ended last year and I have never gotten over that.  I strangely miss my best friend, Jim who died in 1991 so very, very much.  He is in my thoughts more these last few days than he has been in all the years since his death.  I have even been dreaming about him.  I miss him so much right now.  This overwhelming saddness and depression is totally new to me.  I have always been so positive and upbeat.  What's up with this????