"I LOVE THEE WILL THE BREATH, SMILES, TEARS, OF ALL MY LIFE! - AND IF GOD CHOOSE, I SHALL BUT LOVE THEE BETTER AFTER DEATH..."
I want so much to be in love. To feel the pain and anguish of absence. To feel the burning longing of wanting their skin against mine. To brush against the clothing, the threads that keep you from diving into their soul. Tearing down barriers and filling in holes.
I want this growing parasite in my stomach to actually stand for something. Something so holy, so sacred, so instinctual, gratifying, invaluable. Something that is so much a part of me that it fits into my cells and no diety, God himself, cannot take it away from me. I want my fibers to collapse, explode with it. I want my heart to beat too fast. I want my lungs to expand to the point of eruption. I want my pride quelled, my senses enticed, my mind in awe. I wan to be struck dumb. I want to become a dribbling fool every time that love of mine comes near me.
Everything that I want blinds me. It sickens me. To think of how selfish, how hurtful I am, to myself, to others, that I would want all these things. I would accept them willingly, whole-heartedly. I would die for it, I would cry. I do cry. I cry. I cry. I cry. I want such pain, such tears, such joy. Becuase it would make my face smile to feel this. Everyday. It would make my heart smile to know that someone feels this way. Towards me.
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