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| Apology to Cupid |
I want so badly to be in love. To be in another's embrace. To feel him satisfy my wants and needs. To feel him wipe away my fears and fan the fires that bring my hopes boiling to existence.
I want to see the colors of selflessness, and experience that, until recently, I've been afraid of. Afraid that they would blind me, burn me, consume me in their disgust at my insides. I felt that love would not accept me, for I trivialized it, scolded it, rushed it here. I mutated love into a sickly sweet cancer, one that, once contracted, would change you, fertilize you, until you blossom, until I would blossom into a woman. I branded love as not for me. But when I began to feel that brand, that burn, I wished love would invade my body. I wish for love to eat away at my childish parts and make me grow. Then I realized what I had done.
I feel so guilty in my loneliness. I'd never go back and undo it, for then I wouldn't be here, in this state, and as intact as I am. Now, I only hope that love can repain, rebuild, renew itself and save me from the walls of despair that I have built around myself. Maybe then I can build myself into the temple that I really want to be. Or at least into a goddess-like statue. I want love, Then I can see my own beauty through another's eyes.
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Posted by TheCheekyMunki on 2007-10-28 21:03:29 | Rating: | Views: 101
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