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New Beginnings, or dwelling on the past?
As per usual, I've been thinking about Christine... and Charlie. Not so much Charlie (except for a dream of her, hard to describe) but still... Its worth mentioning. I sat there today, and just out of the blue... remembered a spontanious (spelling?) bit of fun that Christine and I had one afternoon. We filmed it, but never really watched it afterwards. I gather that was back when she was trying to get through to me, trying to please me. What shocked me most about remembering this, wasn't the fact that it was a fuck session I was dwelling on.. It was that I realised that for the first 3 months of the relationship, she was trying to please me... I had control. She didn't even realise this, untill I told her one day to open her eyes and stop thinking about everyone else. Big mistake... because she took what I said very wrong... and started being a selfish cow. For atleast 2 weeks, it was only little things... but it eventually turned into a life changer of a thing. We fought about something that I knew was true... We fought about Charlie. About how I told her I was falling for Charlie all over again. That was sort of true.... the only lie was, I was already in love with Charlie to begin with. Christine was my way of getting Charlie out of my head... but like a sign from god, Charlie walks back into my life (after a year of no contact with her...). Don't get me wrong, I fell in love with Christine... but only small time compared to Charlie. Besides... it took me two months to fully fall in love with Christine anyway. When things first started happening, I saw it as a bit of fun. I was getting my own back on other blokes for stealing my girl from underneath me, by doing the same to someone else. Yes, I sank that low. Thats not even the half of it. The best part was, I lived a lie for a whole five months, and only 1 of those months did I actually have it all turned against me. You see, I did love Christine... and in an attempt to keep her where I wanted her... I went low. I became the man she wanted... the guy she could break down. Man... I guess thats what happens to a broken guy, right? Everything Christine and I had, was a lie. We only had what I allowed us to have... and she thinks she did herself a favour by ending the relationship... lol! Do I feel sorry for fucking around with her? nope. Should I? Yea... maybe... but she wasn't all innocent, she was a bit of a bullshit artist as well. To be honest, the only person I feel sorry for in all of this is Andrew and Justin. Andrew, I may have ruined your life in the short run, but trust me man... I did you a favour. She can't give head for shit, she's an even shittier mother (no offence Justin, your a great kid... but your mum needs therapy)... and she would have strung you around for years with the marraige bullshit. She was never gonna marry you, she threw all those rings back at you, remember? Don't worry man... What doesn't kill ya, only makes you stronger.
So, I was watching Hitch earlier... and wouldn't you believe it, I took a bit of advice from it. You wouldn't believe where you can get alot of this dating advice... Not just that, but there is alot of truth in there about life and love... oh... and dating as well. I really could do with a guy like Hitch though, someone who could tell me how to get a run-in with that cute little checkout chick at the local Coles. I want take her out for a few drinks... maybe eventually have a relationship with her, the thing is... finding her (on a day when she works, so far its nothing regular) and my nerves. Just because I've gotten over my fear of the first kiss, doesn't mean I'm over the "first approach". I have absolutely no plans to fuck with this woman. Christine was someone who needed to be straightened out... I knew she was bad news when I met her. This one, on the other hand... she's a special kind. The word from the old woman I call my mum... is this C.O.C (CheckOut Chick) has an eye for me, and asks about me often. Now... I don't want to be to cocky, but I'd say thats a foot-in-the-door situation, and I'm sick of not having someone to talk to. Besides... who's gonna keep me warm at night? I got a cold spot in my bed, and it would be nice to have someone fill it at least once a week (and no... I don't mean that I just want a call-girl).
New week for me... lets see what this week brings me. Hopefully some luck with the ladies, some money (being payweek, that would be nice) and A JOB (YES!!!!... moar money plzkthx).
Have a nice week you lot, sorry if I come across as an asshole in this post (Christine wasn't a saint either, though she could probably sell herself to you, she does have a way with words).
Toodles.
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Posted by TheBoneCollector on 2008-06-29 20:56:58 | Rating: | Views: 51
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