Christine and I have been fighting for ages, but todays fight just flipped me out. Ever since I pushed her a few weeks back, I've been doing anything I could to get her forgiveness. Yes, I went from a decent guy to a pathetic excuse for scum. I almost begged her to let me try again... and I realise how stupid I was. I love this woman to damn much to let her go, but she keeps tearing me down. I've done everything I thought I could do to show this woman that I'm trying, and It's just not enough.

This argument was about how I decided to sit on the computer for a few minutes, have a quick game of Call Of Duty... and then continue the day. I was pissed at her for earlier calling me a dickhead... which is why I jumped on the computer. So, I sat there... and took my anger out on the game. Now, I was going to jump off... and help her with the housework... but instead of being patient with me, she gets pissed off. Hell, I doubt she knows why I was pissed off... let alone I doubt she cares. But at the same time, I've started to realise that no matter what I do.. this woman isn't going to accept me for what I am. She's 21, and has a kid. I'm 18 and childless... and I'm still trying to get used to this whole "kids in my life" thing.
The other week I went ahead and signed up for apprenticeship help in order to find a job that payed well... just so I could give this woman some extra cash to look after her son. She says that it doesn't bother her... but in her eyes it does. And she told me a few weeks ago that I need to get a job! What the frig am I doing wrong?

I've come to realise that I could do anything for this woman, and it still wouldn't be enough. No, instead... I have to chop and change to fit her perfect circle. This relationship has been through hell. I know that alot of it was my fault... but atleast I admit when I do wrong. I made the big fuck-up when I let an ex-gf take control of me again. But now I'm paying bigtime because Christine thinks that I'm worthless!

I wrote this poem for her like...10 minutes ago. This describes exactly how I feel about how she makes me feel.

Fuck you for dragging me down,
Fuck you for pushing me to the ground,
Fuck you for expecting more from me,
Fuck you for trying to change me.

Fuck you for not respecting me at all,
Fuck you for going back on everything you promised me,
Fuck you for fucking with our agreements,
Fuck you for making me push you.

Fuck you for pissing me off,
Fuck you for putting me down,
Fuck you for reducing me to a lifeless ball of shame,
Fuck you for making me take all the blame.

Fuck you for every little thing I ever did for you,
Fuck you for never saying thankyou, no matter what I do,
Fuck you for taking everything I hold dear,
and Fuck me for letting you do it.

Fuck you for putting shit on me, no matter how much I love you,
Fuck you for saying you loved me, when it was never true.
Fuck you for expecting more from me than I had,
Fuck you for letting me think that I could be a good dad.

Fuck you for not being there for me, even if I was for you.
Fuck you for not doing anything to help me, when I tried to work this out.
Fuck you for fucking me, and then cracking the shits,
And Fuck you for making me write this poem.

What do I have to do to get this woman to accept me? I'm supposed to be her boyfriend... not some bloke who she fucks on a regular basis and cleans her house for me (which she expects from me).
This is gonna start another argument... but I don't think I care anymore. If she wants this relationship at all, she can fucking work to keep it... because  her and her "non-acceptance" crap just keeps dragging me down.