Where does it go from here?

This latest has not allowed my eyes to be closed since I received HER email.
My mind is in constant thought mode as to what has been laid out in front of me.
I feel physically sick - like I have been kicked in the stomach.
It is a sinking feeling of dread
With the news, I should be elated. I am not.
Why?
It’s real simple.
This news enables HER to move one with or without me as an option.
Once again I am or may not be a choice.
That feeling is from not being a thought in HER mind, and HER moving on and me getting an email one day that tells me the name of HER new boyfriend – if there isn’t already one.
It also comes from what some woman do when they get out of a relationship and that is be freer with their time. In other words, HER fucking someone else.

Why is she leaving her husband?
Renee thinks it is because HER husband is a lazy drug user. Lazy by HER admission- a drug user by my determination.
I think the same, as he isn’t supporting HER by moving to be with HER.
Renee thinks it is because SHE HERself may be using drugs.
I can’t stand behind that statement, as I don’t think SHE is capable of that behavior.

But it’s not clicking as why SHE is leaving him.
I keep going back to whether the guy SHE mentioned in a previous email is the reason or not.
I can’t imagine that SHE would leave HER husband now after HER sticking by him through many of the things SHE told me personally that he had pulled while SHE was here.
Things like him never working and sitting on his ass all day. There has to be something different as he has always been doing that.
Renee says he may be the cheater. I can’t see that either as SHE told me several times that he never leaves the house – a trait of a drug user (I assume).

The most bad news came from HER old boss tonight, as he flat out stated that SHE is not coming back.
I feel like crying.

Katie told me that she saw something from HER when she saw us talking a few times.
That made me feel good, as I thought that it could only be seen coming from me.
She told me that when I talked to HER that I was smiling and laughing, and that SHE seemed to reciprocate it as well.

I am so confused as I don’t know which way to go for my future- now more than ever.
Is this a sign?
Should I pursue training now that HER being available is a path and goal for me to work toward?
Am I chasing a bullshit scenario in my mind?

I need some immediate answers.

I don’t feel now that I can take any steps toward pursuing her because it would be so obvious that I am after HER, now that HER husband is out of the picture.