Well it is out.
Amanda’s former boss told me that SHE is getting divorced.
I still haven’t received any responses from her since SHE told me, only two forwarded emails.
SHE is leaving tomorrow for what I assume is training. The last training that I knew of lasted SIX weeks. I have to email her tonight.
I hope she isn’t gone that long. That is long enough for HER future to change and me not be in it.
I am going to email HER back and remind HER in my own pathetic way for HER to answer my fucking questions.

It is like I am loosing my friend.
It is like I will never see her face again.
It’s like I will never hear her voice again.

I know this whole fucking mess is just starting, but women don’t stay in touch with me.
I am disposable because they all think I will forgive and forget.
Goes back to being fat old ugly and bald, and society blatantly putting people like me in the category of “you can run them over and they will forgive”.

I created a fucking my space page just so SHE would add me to hers so I can see it.
I hate myspace with a passion. It is like Ebay. The original idea was a good one but then it got stupid with stupid people and so called changes to make it better.
HER answers to some of the polls she posted were very interesting.
A lot were so generic but a few make you think.

Ok I just realized that writing SHE and HER like I do is annoying.

I did make a major decision in my life.
It isn’t far from what I have stated before – That no other woman would be in my future after Amanda, unless it is her.
That is still true.
I think I am going to pursue Amanda once things get straightened out.
I think I am just going to confess my heart and then let her know that I am bettering myself to be the man that she should be with.
I won’t be changing to fit her. I will be changing for my future and that the only future I will accept will be her in it.
I am not a stalker or obsessed in a bad way. I just feel that strongly about how much she means to me and what I believe is our future together.
If she says no, then I will let her know that no matter her answer, I will never stray from the belief that she and I are to be together.

My email:

Okay Doc,

I got your forwarded emails. Good stuff.
Rumor has it that you are going to (another city) to train. I hope you aren’t gone for six weeks like Tex. At least I thought he said he was gone for six weeks when he was talking about it before you left here. I except emails and pics from you. Let me know what is going on with everything. Not just your training.
I am getting inundated with countless rumors about you and what has happened. I tell everyone it’s nobody business but I would like to know what is going on.
I got some good news, I think. I will found out more tomorrow.
I just wanted to email you before you left.
You know if you need anything that I am just a phone call away.

Be careful

TAC