I haven’t really been writing about my life lately.
Not that there is anything going on, but I still feel the need to subject you people to my misery.
As far as the academy is concerned, I started the process.
First I had to decide my future. Of course, it was based on Amanda. Most people say that’s a bad idea to base my life on the actions of someone else, but I have always been backwards.
Next I made a bunch of phone calls.
After talking to several uninvolved people, it was decided the order things had to be done before and up to the start of the academy in October. First is financial aid, which I applied for. Next were transcripts, which are on their way.
I still have to make some calls and see what else needs to be done.
As my sucky life goes, I expect to miss something important, or rather not be told about something important and then be blamed for it not being done.
This has happened too many times in my life.
I was made to look bad in a room full of people my first day at the PO years ago because they claimed I didn’t fill out the correct insurance forms. Insurance forms that I was never given or told about.
Of course speaking my mind would have been a bad idea – first day on the job.
Smokes went up tonight. The cheap smokes are over 4 bucks a pack so this is my last carton, unless I win the lottery.
There is a garage sale in town Saturday. I hope they have a bike for sale. A decent bike that I can prop my fat ass on and ride to work every night. My luck is I will probably buy a bike. Then get it home and realize that it is a girl’s bike.
Of course the people that sold it to me will notice its girl bike, never tell me, and then spread rumors about why a single, never been married man is buying a girls bike.
That is an example of my luck.
I remember one time when I was younger. I went to the mall and I saw the store locator standing in the middle of the mall. I leaned over and around it to read it. Directly across from me was a woman. I saw her but didn’t pay much attention to her.
Later my own family was talking about how I was staring to her as she breast fed. I never even saw a baby, much less tits.
See how my life works?
A friend emailed me today and flat out asked what in my life fucked me up so bad to make me think the way I think.
Those are examples. Who is expected to have self-esteem after countless years of incidents like that?
I haven’t even touched the whole dating disasters I have been subject to.

Over the past few days, I just worked, ate, tugged, slept, worried, cried, and imagined.
I worked my first day off. I need the money.
I ate what little food I had in the house, and went out for a burger.
I tugged a few out because I have no one and get so bored sometimes there is nothing else better to do.
I slept but not enough to make me feel better.
I worried over Amanda so much that my hair is even grayer than that before.
I cried over Amanda and how she could easily fall in love with someone else.
I imagined Amanda next to me in life.