And my heads swimming!
Yup. Once again. It's come to that time, to start writing again. I write a diary, I tend to write in it when I really feel like leting something out. Or ... when i feel like I have to. Sometimes, when I realise it's been weeks since I last opened that cover, touched them pages, and let the pen touch the paper. It's been too long already.
Anyone that has read my other 3 blogs. You'll already know about that Lee. That past love. My Mum. And whatever else I may have mentioned. Well, guess what;
1. My Mum's okay! She's doing just fine. False Alarm - or two.
2. Me and Lee are back to normal. Chatting, Laughing and of course, flirting. It has to be done. So, you might think it's wrong. But let me fill you in, I don't care anymore. I just don't. You may think I'm arrogant or insensitive. I'm not. I just don't care what you think right now. Buzz me tomorrow, and i might do... Just a little bit.
3. OK. So, I saw my past love. My one serious relationship that failed. He walked away, and now I know why. At least, I know what he's told me. I've met up with him quite a lot recently. We had so much unfinished business, so much more to say to each other. To know. And noww, I'm perfectly happy to say, I understand it.
I understand him. He understands me. And I also know, we can't happen again. We can't go back to how we were before he left. We can't pick up again, and try again. Start again. We just can't. We'd fall back into the casual routine we had before. And that, I don't want any of that anymore. It still hurts sometimes. When I'm with him, i see him looking at me longingly. A few times, he's moved closer, gone to envelop me in a cuddle. A kiss. But i can't do it. I won't let myself do it. Be drawn back into that. Not any more. I'm ... changing. I'm growing up.
I think.
i'm not sure what else I can fill you in on. Well, I have something ... something majorly important to me. However, I'm not sure if i'm ready to share that yet. With you, and you and you. With whoever may be reading this ( if you've managed to get this far. Then very well done. i apologise sincereley for the length of this blog. But i had to get it out my head. Onto paper ... or internet. Whatever.)
You're all ears. Or eyes ... Whatever. And I think it's great that there's so many people out there doing the same thing as me. Day in day out. - Although mine tends to be one long one monthly ...
It's my birthday next Wednesday. I'm going out on Saturday with my friends. And Lee. And Matty - (the majorly important thing) and some other people. It should be a great night.
One to remember.
Or to forget?
I'm not quite sure yet! But i'll let you know.
Humm ...
I kinda think this blog has got long enough now.
Real sorry guys.
Thanks for reading.
I'm here for you all.
Tessa x
P.S I forgot to mention. Kevin. He's been great. He's been there for me day in and out. I see him everyday. We do loads together. If you're not sure who i mean by Kevin - take a look at my profile. You'll see his picture on there. He's the best thing I could of ever asked for. It was only yesterday, he picked me up from work at 1pm. He'd booked the day off for me. For a treat. We went shopping. We had Coffee. We talked, we laughed, we went back to his place and just crashed on the bed. Laughing and chatting about random stuff. Stuff that means nothing to anyone else, but us.
I never realised, you could feel so much like what I do for him.
He's my Hero.
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