About a week ago my 15 yr old neice broke down and told everybody what her and her 17 year old boyfriend have done as in hand jobs and blow jobs and stuff like that. She's the kind of girl where if a guy says he loves her after a week of datig, she believes him. She called me at 11 PM and told me all of these things. She said that she really loves her bf and that she doesnt think any of it was a mistake. Then my sister, her mom, asked her if she thinks she should get on the pill. My neice said she would only get on the pill if she had someone to go on it with. Now, keep in mind that my sister is my replacement mom. So my neice told my sister that I too wanted to get on the pill and right then, I know shes disappointed in me. She always told me to let sex wait. That its something I'll regret doing too soon. Yeah I did it. I dont regret it right now, but Im not saying that I wont ever regret it. I love Mike. And if you knew me, you'd know that I dont let myself fall in love often. I only have one heart and Im true to it. If I had sex with some other guy besides Mike Im sure people would be less pissed off but Mike has a troubled past. His dad committed suicide, his moms a pot head, when his dad died the house was put in his name so he owns a house at 18. He has to pay for it while his mom does absolutly nothing. Yeah Mike has a temper but he's never hit me. My friends and family just rather I not be with him but Im not going to give up the one time Im truely happy just to please others. Getting off topic. The point is, Im getting on the pill. My neice backed out so now all eyes are on me. I know its something that needs to be done. We had sex twice a couple days ago and the second time we didnt use a condom. Stupid. I know. Thats why I know its something that has to be done. Tomorrow Im going to a hinder, buckcherry and papa roach concert with my sister, her wife and their son. I know things are going to be awkward since we havent spoken since she found out that I was getting on the pill. She doesnt know that mike and I had sex yet. And I dont plan on telling her. Another bad thing, Mike works for my father. Both men have bad bad bad tempers and Mike hates what my father does to me and wants to kill him. Literatly. And thats one fight I dont want to see cuz they are both equaly matched, and I know niether one would stop until ones not breathing. So yeah. I hate being a disappointment, especially to my sister, but Im going to live my life. I guess now is as good as time as any to bring up my other problem. I am a pill junkie. I have been since I was 14 and started taking anti-depressants after my best friend shot himself in the head. I took just anti depressants at first, then vicodin, then oxycotton, then darvocet, then pretty much anything that came in a orange bottle. Its a bad habit I know. Only Mike and my ex kayla really know. I quit for about 2 weeks after I had an incident with a bottle of vicodin and a fifth of el toro tequilla landed me in the ER. But then my dad had another outburst and I started up again. I dont really think its that big of a deal. the pills. I can stop when ever I want. Sex...makes me feel good. And then I dont want any pills. And I think having sex is better then downing a bottle of pills. Eh. Whatever. Im tired and I got to go to work. Damn.