Well, so much for that idea... After waiting about two and a half hours for Bart to come over he messages me to say that some things have gone down and he's cancelling. Big no no for me. If someone (who is interested in me) is going to cancel that's fine - I just would like to know before two and a half hours of waiting goes by. He's pretty much lost his chance now. And to be honest, I don't think I'm into like I thought I was (stupid mind altering substances). I would love to be in a relationship - but it has to be with the right person. Phil in interested in me too, I'm not sure what he wants from me, it doesn't seem like he wants commitment though. Which is totally what I need.

I miss affection. And I think that's why I kind of tend to lead some guys on. I like to cuddle up and stuff, I do it with Phil and Bart, but I haven't slept with either of them, nor do I want to. But I'd really just like to meet the right person who I can be affectionate with and who I want to be with, and sleep with. That's why I like Josh. Because we're always cuddley, even though he's got a girlfriend - we know we can be affectionate with each other and not have any strings attacted or expectations of what might happen. But like I said in the previous post, there IS sexual tension.

So. How can I tell Bart and Phil that I'm sorry, and I'm not actually as interested in them as they might think? How do I tell them that even though it might seem like I want to sleep with them, I actually don't want to? And, how am I ever going to find a good man. It seems I've had too many crap boyfriends and I'm finding it hard to meet people and get to know them without me judging them too soon. It's like, if something happens to make me second guess their intentions or commitment, I run. Fast.

Where art thou sexy good man?