Thoughts.com Blogs - Well... now I'm anxious because I don't know wheth

I am so worried now.... I get this feeling inside my body where it's kind of like that feeling you get when you start getting cold. It goes up and down your body. I just don't like worrying so much... it's not like me to do that. I'm usually so laid down about everything adn I relax through exams and major assessments. But it sometimes gets too much for me. Maybe especially this semester because I'm also committed in something else besides uni. I feel like I've been through enough, but I also realise when I feel this way that there are so many more people out there that also go through a lot and probably more people go through a lot more than me. I should feel lucky that I even have my family here to support me because there are those who don't. I should also feel privileged because I get whatever I want. But I need to say that each person goes through something different and even though it might be something similar it is also at the same time different in some aspect. I go through in my sense a lot, not only because I have to deal with uni and other commitments outside of home, but also because I have dealt with so much more as a middle child. The eldest child in the family doesn't care so much about anything and couldn't care less. All that the care is placed on is the life that is dealt with in the sense of selfishness, thinks only of thyself. The father of the family only complains, even about the littlest thing. Never stops controlling others lives, is overprotective of us and doesn't listen or take in a word we say. He seems like he cares, or tries to care but thats not the case. We've told him so many times that how he cares is not caring it's controlling and irritating. He thinks that when we come home from work or uni that continuously asking us to eat dinner is caring. But all we want to do is feel that we are at home, a place where you can relax and not think about anything, just feel happy that you've just come home to a happy and warm home, environment. But its not the case. I've had to deal with family affairs, such as decisions for the family and completely committed to his health, shopping for groceries, translations, phone calls to companies, moving organising, schedules, planning, cleaning, cooking, since I was 12 years old. I know my parents have been through a lot escpecially because they were born into a not so well off family and environment, and I should cut them some slack. Well my mums alright she's great and everything she does she puts us first, and I think that she's a fabulous mum to have I wouldnt mine having her in every life. But I wish I could say the same for my dad. He's living in the past and just won't get over whatever it is that he went through. I know a lot of relatives that went through similar times as him and they have optimistic thoughts about life. They always tell him to stop living in the past, but he just doesn't get it. I say that just because you lived that way doesn't mean you have to make us live the way you did. I mean I understand that he has gone through a lot, but as a parent you'd think that he would want his kids to live in a better off environment than he did. Isn't that how its suppose to be?