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The way you make me feel

So for some reason I couldn't go back to sleep last night and was up at like 3 am. I had work in a few hours but my body didn't care. I texted S to see if she was still up because she had texted me earlier in the night or morning depending how you looked at it. She was up and I ended up talking to her. It was nice! I really enjoyed our conversation! It was very meaningful to me! I didn't tell her that but it was. It was like a stepping stone. I feel that she's starting to slowly let me in. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm not the easiest person to let people in. I have this wall up that's hard to get through. It takes me time to warm up and let things out about me that I feel. I'm not the greatest at expressing myself. I mean I find it easier at times for me to write out then to say it. I guess it could be that I'm scared! Ya! Sounds about right.

Anyways! I still really like S and I haven't really been able to express myself and tell her. I'm scared! It's not easy and no one said it would be easy. I know life is about taking chances. I'm starting to open up to her more. I have been able to ask and say things that I was surprised I did but it was good. I'm glad I told her!

There's so much more that I want to tell her and share with her! Slowly I'm making those steps, not because she wants me to, but because I want to. Because I want to share with her and let her get to know me. Weaknesses and strengths. As hard as it may be I do!

Of course the question comes up as to how you can write on a journal that anyone can see and read. Because maybe someone else is feeling the same way. If I can help someone else in any way, then great. I'm a kind hearted person and I don't mind letting people be apart of my life that are total strangers. I figure they can help me as much as I can help them. As weird as that sounds I think it's got some truth to it.

If you haven't noticed I tend to jump around a lot with my thoughts.

So right now as I write this, I'm talking to S online. Just talking to her online she's making my chest hurt and feel weak. Even my stomach is starting to get a butterfly feeling. I mean I haven't gotten these feels in a long time, and never at the same time. Normally at different times. I don't know what she's doing to me. It's something about her that I can't get enough. That I want more! I know I've written some of this already before in previous entries but it's true! This distance that's between us, it sucks but at the same time it's good in a weird way. It kind of lets you know how much you really care about a person. It's crazy how much I think about her! I have to keep myself busy so that I don't think about her that much. I don't want to rush her into anything that she's not ready for. If she needs to take time, I'm willing to give it to her.

Ok I need to stop writing. My mind is wondering all over the place and I can't concentrate now so I'll write more later.