Thoughts.com Blogs - hard to shake

View Blog

hard to shake

it's so hard not to talk to her, text her, or see her! she was a big part of my life and i knew that. maybe i didn't express it enough, or show it enough but she was. i'm here sick, wishing she was here to keep me company! she's the only one right now that i want to be around when i'm sick.

when i'm sick, i'm a big baby! i know i am. i know a lot of people are. i don't think i've really been around her when i've been really sick though. mmmmm...i really need to stop thinking about her so much. i need to find things to occupy my mind. it's been hard lately since i've been sick. i haven't been wanting to do much anything. i've been invited to do a few things but just not up to it. normally i don't let me being sick hold me back, but this time, it's really kicking my butt!

i wonder sometimes what she's still thinking. there are somethings that weren't finish being said or asked i feel. i'm still in the dark as to how much she truely cared about me. i know she cared a great deal. maybe it's best that i don't know. i wonder what it is that she feels truely sorry about. that was started but not really finished i think. i wonder if it's just as hard for her as it is for me, not to talk to her, have her as much apart of my life, and so on. i would imagine so. it's normally not easy to all of sudden not have something anymore that you've had for a while. you get used to it. it becomes apart of your life in a way.

ok i'm done talking about her for now. this headache is killing me! i just want to be over this cold or whatever it is i have! i've been taking meds, drinking fluids, and relaxing. maybe not as much resting as i should be. it's hard! it's hard when you can sleep. it's hard when you rest and it feels like you haven't. sometimes, i just want to be held and comforted! it feels safe and loving! one of my roomies cooked and made sure i had some of it cuz she knew i wasn't feeling well. she even offered me soup and said she'd be my pretend gf for a few minutes and serve me. lol! she's funny but sweet! of course i said no. it was a nice moment though! i don't know how i made it through work today! i spent most of the morning in the back, pucking, being sick and not able to move much. late morning, early afternoon, i was in the front more, but not moving so much and not so fast. towards the end of my shift i was able to move a lot more then i was but still feeling blah! customers that were regulars noticed. they felt bad for me. not that i wanted them to. i felt bad enough for myself! of course there was no one to cover my shift really. M offered but she's not a supervisor so she couldn't. no one really likes working sundays. i don't mind when i'm not feeling sick. i don't feel like even working at all this week coming up. i just want to try and rest and shake this cold already. eh!

well i think i wrote enough about nothing! i know she reads this from time to time. i hope she continues! i'm sure she rather me be able to talk to her like i write on her. one day maybe! it's hard when i've never really had that in anyone before. my life is different from her life and everyone else in this world. we were all raised differently. our friends and our family are all different. we are ourseleves are different and have habits that are hard for us to break! ok good night all!