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So yesterday I called out of work so that I could go to Disneyland with S. I wasn't suppose to be going with her orignally but her friend canceled out on her last minute. I'm pretty sure I know which friend she's refering to. That would be N. N is cool and I have no beef with her at all. I don't have any beef with anyone that S talks to. I do get jealous her and there but whatever! I'll get over it. S is not with me so I can't expect anything from her. I know S has a lot of memories at Disneyland with certain people. I felt a little ackward going knowing that. She made me feel ok and didn't make anything feel weird at all. I think the only thing that really bugged me about the whole day was her texting throughout the day. I'm pretty sure I can think of a couple of people she was texting. I'm not going to name them but I'm pretty sure. I know this sounds like I'm a jealous and I am. I mean I told her to be her and that's that. I feel like she was trying to hide who she was texting and who was texting her back. Why hide something? I mean if you're not with someone you shouldn't need to hide anything. If you're so honest with someone, why are you trying to be secretive of who you're talking to? These are just some thoughts going through my head. Obviously there's more to it then that. I mean she says she's completely honest with me and has been. Well I believe her but I feel she's only honest with me with what she wants to tell me. I know she hasn't told me about everything she feels or how she feels. I can't really think too well right now. Surprisingly I haven't been able to think too clearly lately in general. I will write more about this because I need to get it off my chest. I told myself and I would say things more to S as I feel them and how certian things make me feel, but this, I don't think is something I want to share with her. I've learned enough on what makes her made, keeps her distant, and so on. This is something I don't need to share with her.
On a brighter note, Disneyland was fun! I hadn't been there in over 12 years so it was like my first time all over again. S bought me this pin thing where you trade with cast members. It was cool! She didn't have to but it was nice of her. She does know how to make a person feel special when she wants to. Just at the same time, she knows how to make a person feel like shit too! Excuse my french! Ok well I'm going to go for now since S is out of the shower. I'll write again but probably tomorrow. Tomorrow will be my me day. I'll probably try and hang out with my other friends that I have neglected! |
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Posted by SympatheticStargazer on 2008-03-01 17:45:15 | Rating: | Views: 35
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