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Ok I don't remember everything I wrote from earlier but I do remember that I wanted to write more. So here I am at home. I haven't been home home in like 3 weeks. Crazy I know! My family here is used to it but still. We all need our own time to be alone. Sometimes when you like a person, you get caught up with them. I feel like that happens to me a lot with S. I need to not let that happen so much. I need to not let myself get too caught up with her. I'm not in a rush to get into anything but like her. At the same time, I not trying to talk to a coupe of different people either. I'm just being me and in the end, I think it'll bite me in the a-s. My friends are concerned about me getting hurt. I'm reassuring them that I'm not letting myself caught up with S. I like her a lot and I'd like things to eventually come around with her. Of course only time will tell. She's got a lot of has to take care of with herself first before I think she's ready to move on to something else. I'm totally down to be here for her as a friend. I feel like a broken record and I'm sure I am. *sigh* 
I need to stop putting S first before my friends who have been around longer. I don't think she even notices that I put her first before a lot of people and things. I do almost anything that she wants. Does she notice? Who knows. Her friends realize that I do things for her. I think that I do things a well that push her a little in getting things done. Like I know she wants to get her room cleaned and organized. I pushed very lightly today to start on that. I know she was bored but it needed to get done. I mean she didn't really have any plans to do anything, mine as well. I mean I know she wanted to go out. She hasn't really gone out lately. I wasn't in the mood. I just wanted to chill and do nothing. I didn't want her to feel like it was my fault that she was bored and wasn't doing anything fun or exciting, so I decided to go home. Some how she seems to make me feel like things are my fault and that I'm the bad person, I did something wrong. She's really good at flipping things around.
I don't want to talk negative. I have a lot of hope for her. Hope that one day me and her, but not for sure that'll ever happen. Hope that she'll figure things out in her life and make the decisions that she needs to make. Hope that she can move one, but only when she's ready. Hope that she stops treating people the way she does sometimes and take responsibility for things that she's done and said, instead of flipping things around. I have a lot of hope for her. Like all my friends, I have hope for them. I hope the best for all of them. I will always be here for them when they need me. I can't always be there for them though. Sometimes they have to do things on their own. Ok well I'm going to shut up now. I think I'm writing nonsense because it's late and I'm sleepy. Ok goodnight all! |
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Posted by SympatheticStargazer on 2008-03-02 04:06:44 | Rating: | Views: 41
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