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so i had a really good talk with S! i always enjoy my talks with her! i think we both learn things from each other. it helps us to see through others eyes. a lot of things were said, not agreed up one, agreed upon and so on.
slowly through the healing process, you start to see things, you listen a little more, and your head isn't as cloudy as it once was. when the waves have calmed after the storm you start think a little more level headed. you realize you're as mad at anything or anyone so much anymore. we all respond to things, and we will the way we feel best for ourselves. i know we should always wait before responding and reacting to anything. specificly if we are upset or mad. you will realize that half the stuff you wanted to say or do, you don't really want to anymore. you're glad that you didn't cuz you would of felt stupid, bad or dumb. well i slowly started to realize that after i started calming, before i even had a talk with S.
ya i realized that i said some things that i shouldn't of. i said some things that didn't need to be said. or things that were said in an inappropriate manner. i realized i was quick to let what i hear, saw or read affect me so easliy cuz i was emotional. it was easy to be mad at someone and in a way lash out. of course you're not going to see how you were in the wrong. how you could of done something to make it better. you normally don't ever see that until. later when you've had time to heal and calm down. it takes time cuz all you feel is hurt, or whatever you feel, and that you know it came from that person. ya you're going to want to say bad, negative things about them. why? cuz it makes you feel better even if it's for a little.
i didn't mean to make S look like a mean, heartless person. she is far from that! she is a great person! a person that i don't want to ever let go and not have apart of my life! she means a lot to me whether she knows it or not. she's shown and taught me a lot! not just about myself but about a lot of things. people that she lets into her lives, shouldn't take that likely! S isn't someone who just lets people in.
all in all, i will always love S for the person she is and the person she will become! she will always have a close place in my heart!
as for other people and friends i have in my life. well i have a lot. not like a lot a lot. i too like S don't just let anyone into my life and be as close as i'll let them. i have a major problem of letting anyone get too close to me. i think that's what will keep anyone from truly getting to me. S is the only person right now that i can honestly say is the closest to me as far as me letting in. not a family member, or any other person that i've known for so long. i have family and friends who are close, but i have not let them truly in on who i am. S has that! she didn't ask for it. she didn't ask to be this special person to me. it just sort of happened. she was just the only one who was able to tap in. not to say there won't be others. not to say that i won't start opening up. it's just not easy!
well i think i wrote enough already. kind of a bunch of jumpiness! that's me right now! can't sit still but i need to just relax. i do admit i enjoy this gloomy weather from time to time. wish i had a bowl of soup, some movies, and a bunch of take out menus for later. oh! and someone to hang out with to join me.
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You mean S cant hangout with you?:P Pity:) Well, its a shame I dont have my iron man suit so I could just rocket over there and watch some movies with ya:) Perhaps one day.
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Posted by brainstormer
on 2008-10-05 00:20:59
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| Views: 18
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