Thoughts.com Blogs - A day like today

So I think I'm doing a little bit better today. I was in quite the tizzy yesterday. Tizzy. That's a great word. It's fun to say... though not quite so fun to be in.

Homes. I was looking for a house. I found a house I liked. I'm doing the back and forth and then I talk to the mortgage lender again. Note that word, again. The first time we spoke, I got a pre-qualified amount which is what I based everything on. This time we spoke, yesterday morning. . . that amount was very different. Apparently I'm not qualified for less which makes the home I was wanting to buy, not affordable. Needless to say, I was not happy.

*takes a breath* Back to the drawing board. Now with a very firm amount that I'm set to. Much less than anticipated or previously told. But breathing. Breathing is good.

Have I mentioned I'm homeless come January 31st? That's right. The lease in my hell hole of an apartment is up. I will definitely not go with newer construction for anything! I want some damn solid walls. I do not want to hear the guy above me snoring or walking room to room or flushing toilets. No thanks. But I'm digressing.

So... as I said... today is a new day and I'm repeating this

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference
Thy will, not mine, be done.

Repeating that and taking in deep breaths. It seems to be the way to go. It's amazing how much calmer I feel after repeating this and breathing deeply. It's not a miracle cure, but it does help. Something about the reminder that it's all in God's hands is comforting. Something there to remind me that I can worry all I want, but it's still in His hands, not mine... so the worrying becomes pointless. And I try very hard to remember that.

I do have this issue though. I'm a type A person which is not necessarily bad. However, I'll admit, I'm also wound very tight. It's not that I cannot relax, but I'm not always good at it. With my job, that can become a bad thing. The nicest way to say this... many of our employees are idiots and insane. Now, I'm sure you are laughing and saying "yeah, here too" but really, I can't explain this. I'm not kidding. Like, there are times when you're sitting there wondering where the panic button is (you know, the ones they have in psych wards). I swear I'm not exaggerating. I can't post specific stories (privacy issues in the company and all), but I honestly would not be shocked if an employee came up and asked how to tie his/her shoe or something equally insane.... inane, even... So, anyways, sometimes the stupidity gets to me and I get frustrated and flustered by it. This is what I mean by being wound tight being bad. Other times, I just get stressed when stuff here doesn't work right - the computers, the computer systems, etc... So I'm working on that.
I definitely need something to calm my ass down, at times. lol. And I'm aware of it.
Maybe the serenity prayer printed out on something pretty and posted nearby will help? Who knows?

So, now I've gone into rambling, it seems. I don't want to bore you guys any further. That's just the thoughts and trials of the morning. It's probably good I didn't post yesterday because it would have been one big long scream. Everything was going wrong - at work and personally. But today, it somehow seems better and brighter.

How cheery of me.

:)