I have 2 sons. Many people tell me the boys are very handsome. Why stop at 2? Why not try for a daughter. I can't say the truth. When I was pregnant, I prayed very hard that the baby is going to be a boy. I don't want to give birth to a girl and allow her to go through what I have been through.

It's tough being a woman. Such high expectations. I am turing 41 this year and I have not reached a stage of triumph where I can say Hurray! You did it girl, way to go.

When I was young, I started to take on more responsibility because I don't know, I was asked to do and I did not stop to ask "why me?". I walked a few km to the market in the morning to buy vege and meat to cook for the family. I cook for the family. I was still schooling. Mum had cancer, she was in and out of the hosp a lot. She needed a night nurse, someone to help her when she needed to go to the bathroom at night...etc. I stayed at the hosp to help her.

When I got married, the first thing my husband told me was that his parents told him not to open a joint account with me because I may take his money. I was shocked. Why did you not say this before we got married?

Anyway I became super determined to stand on my own feet. I worked hard. I may not earn as much as my husband but I was proud that I was earning enough to buy anything for myself. Then the children came along. Well I was not used to asking money from my husband - though the baby is both our responsibility. I just pay for their toys, clothes, whatever. When I go shopping for the house, I pay. My own money. I was happy not to ask him for money.

But now I had to quit my job cause the boys have got to a stage where they need more giudance or their believe system will be formed by their friends, TV, internet...Anyway I could not cope with the demands of my job (which requires me to travel...I was earning a great 5 figure salary). Now I use my savings to pay for my insurance policy, my clothes & whatever I need. BUT I AM FINDING IT TOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If I ask for more money for the household, he would grumble that he is very short of money. Angry at me too. But he keeps spending on his cars. Many bills in the credit card due to his expensive hobby.

I have to take care of the family, house, everyone's welfare and worry sh*t, if my savings run out, how do I cope then? help!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At age 41, I still need to worry about basic survival, am I a failure or what?

As a woman I have to worry about being dumped. He said he is loyal. Everyone who knows him say that too. My trust ended the day I found an sms in his handphone that says I Love You sent by his colleague.

Women are subjected to fear all the time. If we are not married by certain age, everyone will start to pressure you and make you feel that there is something wrong with you bec you are still single.

Once married, you are pressured to produce babies.If they see your kids behave, they turn to their father and say, wow great kids you have. If the kids misbehave, they look at their mother and say, why do you not teach your child...

I have many male friends sharing their desire to have affairs because having a wife is boring. They look around them, there are so many beautiful girls. After marriage, we women have to take a risk, we will be left alone to fend for ourselves, take care of the kids as our husbands, well, enjoy life as a bachelor again.

How unfair?

I refuse to get a divorce. Many men don't pay alimony even though by law they have to. I am staying because I have to fulfill my responsibility as a mother.

My husband seldom talk to me, he comes home at midnight, too tired. He has a wrong perception of me, at times when I crack a joke he takes it too personal and would snap at me.

He will not think twice to make fun of me, emabrass me in front of everyone, if he can make everyone laugh.

Work, friends, car are his priority. I am so lonely. I have heavy responsibility of bringing up my boys, right now I have to postpone my worry for money. When my money runs out, I will tell my boys I will start working. By then I think I would have helped them to be independent in their studies, achieved high level of awareness.

Sigh...it's tough as a woman.