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| "The Song Remembers When"
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Lately...I've been going throught this crazy rollercoaster of emotions. I'll be fine, but then some random thing that I do will make me think of someone. Then all of the sudden....I can't get this person off my mind. Then I get deppressed, followed by anger then finally loneliness. I wish I could talk to this person, even though I would have no idea what to say. I'm not even sure if it would be a good thing to do. We have history, but not all good. In fact...I remember that at one point I believed I hated this person. But in all honesty, when I think back, I realize that I hated myself. This person walked out of my life, I don't really think I did anything to make him want to stay. I'll hear a song...one I may not have ever heard before...and all the sudden, he's the only thing on my mind. Work is crazy...and even though I'm working in a kindergarten class, I realize that most of the things the children say or do reminds me of time spent with this guy. I've gone over our conversations countless times...but in the end...I can't really see what when wrong or where I started losing him. I just remember him telling me that everything would be all right one night...but then hours later, I had an email from him...that ended it all. My world came to a crashing hault and nothing seemed to make me happy. I know that if he were reading this right now (which I know he won't be) he knows I'm talking about him. He's been the one guy I can't get over. Just when I think I have...something happens and I think of him. I always felt safe when he was around, he knew exactly what to say to make me laugh when I was crying, he made me feel like I was the only thing that mattered when we were together. But why can't I seem to leave him...and all my thoughts of him....behind me. My parents want me to come home for Christmas, and I honestly don't think that I'm going to be able to. I know it may sound absurd, butI don't want to risk seing him....with or without her. He's just one of those people who you never forget, but you honestly wish you could sometimes. I wish there was a way to forget him...but in a way, I don't want to. He helped me through a lot of stuff and I just wish I could thank him for that. But honestly, I don't know if he realizes just how much he did for me. There are so many words left unspoken, but to say them now would not be right or fair. The silence between us kills me a little more each day, but what can I do. He doesn't want me in his life. So why do I want him in my life? Maybe because of the friendship we once had, maybe because I need to feel safe from recent situations, maybe because he reminds me of all that is good, or maybe because it's been so long since I last smiled...and actually meant it. But everytime I think about him, I think of the quote: "Oftentimes we say goodbye to the one we love without wanting to. But that doesn't mean we've stopped loving them or we've stopped caring. Sometimes, goodbye is a painful way of saying...I LOVE YOU!!"
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Posted by SupermansEx on 2007-10-07 22:41:26 | Rating: | Views: 69
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| Blog Comments
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there a very good reason why supermans come and go from our life. Maybe because they weren't meant to be. leave superman where he is and move on. I think God already gave you your answer when he walked out.
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Posted by cheeky
on 2007-10-07 22:44:52
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If not talking to him is killing you inside, you should talk to him. For better or for worse at least it will feel good to let it out. And dont listen to the comment from "cheeky", god has nothing to do with it, we're all human and we all make human mistakes.
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Posted by TheQuietOne
on 2007-10-07 22:57:40
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