Thoughts.com Blogs - Poem. Then Beddy Bye.

View Blog

Poem. Then Beddy Bye.

I've been meaning to put all of my thoughts down on paper.
because i sure as hell can't tell you.

i'm bigger, curvier, plumper, whatever you call it.
i call it fat.
i hate it.
that's the reason that you found him and went out with him in 24 hours.
i know that.
i'm not retarded.
thats the reason i'm rejected.
i know that.
i'm not afraid to say it.
but am i afraid to lose it.
i can hide behind it.
it's a safety net.
i can't be an insecure skinny boy.
and when i start to lose it
will you be interested?
why can't i just ask you this.
i mean i'm done with liking you.
i've come to realize that you use boys like kleenex.
cum i them and then throw them away.

i don't want to be a kleenex.
i know that we could be something.
i know that we could be great
i know that.
i remember what your dad said.
he was right.
but it doesn't matter.

is it that you think that i'll always be there
cause i won't.
i'm moving on.
you can't just use me as a napkin.
i'm gonna find a beautiful boy.
and your gonna be the jealous one.
I AM NOT A SAFETY NET.

it's just dawned on me.
thats what i am.
break an engagement
OH! there's my feel good boy.
Pick up another boy.
this one has the red
and he's crazy
you don't take the time to find this out.
you just go on outer features
turns out he's crazy and you rushed in
now you live together.
all i can say is "i told you so"
but now that you don't like him at all
you want to cultivate our relationship
i've realized i'm not the reason
i'm not your purpose
you didn't realize my rising sun.
i'm awake to it.
and i'm not gonna let myself stand for this.

i'll still hope but i'm moving on.
you are not worth the wait
i should have headed the warnings.
they were right.
and you played right into it.
oh well.
I'M NOT A FUCKING SAFETY NET.

(now that i have that out.
maybe i can get some sleep.
it's 3 am and i have class at 9:30
i hope i don't sleep through it.
i'm ready to feel and face the music.)