do you remember when you where a kid and you would get a toy from a happy meal? you would play with it all day like it was your new best friend. You would make up a thousand and one things to do that weren't what the toy actually did. then you would fall asleep and the next morning when you woke up, you forgot all about it until your mom asked where it was..then you carried it around doing everything with it. You would have to have a dinner place set for it, and it had to brush it's teeth and go in the bath tub with it, and it truly was the coolest thing since you learned how to annoy the adults by singing "the song that never ends" (a.k.a. This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends.). Then the dog ate it and you mourned over it until it was time to go to mcdonalds and get the newest toy of the week.
.what a viscious cycle. It kinda sets you up for love. you find a great boy. you silently adore him, talk to him, text him, i.m. him, talk about him constantly, and then you discover his dirty secret....he's a crack addict, he has no heart, he has a boyfriend, or he's not your type.....then you say stuff like i can fix him, i can take him away from his boyfriend....then you see a new boy, and the vicious cycle starts again....


this was about him.
and he commented this entry saying "ouch.....tough....but true"
and i can't help but pull differant meanings from it.
one meaning is that he does realize that it's about him and is kinda in his way apologizing.
the other meaning is that ouch...yeah this is tough...and i know exactly what you talking aobut and it's true.

i mean what the hell.
i have way too may problems.
i'm going to a goth club where i'm sure i'll meet someone really quite cute who i will like a whole lot.
question is will i be able to replace HIM that fast?
i speak as if i have gone out with HIM, but i haven't. and i probably won't be for a while.
maybe that's what was holding me back last night.


who can say?
i mean maybe i'm putting him at a jesus status like i told little bird she was doing with sprinkles.
isn't it funny that i takes solong for me to realize what's going on.

maybe it's time to tell him everything?

[p.s. i'm drinking tazo tea the zen kind and i just bought it.]