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I'm start this blog off with yay I've made it to blog number four and then I want to go saying I had a garage sell today and it didn't do so hot, but there is always tomorrow. Now moving on to my crazy mind of thoughts that I would like to unravel.

Okay I'm not sure there is a god or not, but one thing I do know is that there is definitely a such thing as a signs; where those signs come from I don't know, but they are really pushing it. Today for some odd reason when i happen to be watching T.v. I stumbled on to another movie where race is an issue between a relationship. The movie was non other than Guess Who. At first I didn't pay much attention to it, but then I got to thinking that this is the second movie that I have seen where race was an issue. Now maybe I'm over thinking this whole thing, but you have to admit that is odd. Yesterday was Something New and then today Guess Who. i mean the odds of that happening is just astronomical. It doesn't help that I can't get "J" off my mind either and the fact that I haven't talked to him in like weeks is killing me. oh and let's not even get on the fact that the song that reminds me so much of him just started playing on my iTunes shuffle. What hurts the mostby Rascal Flatts reminds me of him so much. It reminds me of the night that we went to prom together. I remember that as being the greatest night ever, but yet every-time I here this song it also reminds me of it was one of the most regrettable. I mean don't get me wrong I loved every moment of it, but there was this moment where I should of have took-in the opportunity and expressed my true feelings like I wanted to. Till this day I slightly regret not doing. It was the moment where we had left the dance floor and went out side to get some fresh air and cool off and at that moment as we stood there enjoying the silence of nobody being around I should have told him. I should of told him that I do like him and even though it wasn't his year to graduate (yes he's little younger then me) that this prom is not only my night, but his as well. I should have told him in that solid moment as I sat on the hand railing, with his jacket wrapped around my arms to keep warm from the cool air of the night as he stood next to me and we stared into the starlight and the countless cars in the parking lot. Since that moment on and since I heard this song it always reminded me of that night and of him. It's sad what love will do to you. It makes you go crazy. I mean i don't want to sound crazy, but I truly think we would be so great together. Okay for example; when prom was first brought up in my senior year, I the everyday outcast (well pretty much) had already made up my mind of not going before my senior year started and so did a very good friend. Well when time came to start pairing up and getting ready and in this case the earlier the better, I had mad the decision that I wasn't even going to try and me and my friend had made plans to hang out. Well me and him was friends prior to the whole prom thing popping up and well we used to hang out like everyday at the library and ride the bus home together. Well One day when we where hanging out and joking around he asked did I want to go to prom with him. Keep in min he was a sophomore and I.........well you know. Well me being retarded said no. At the time I didn't think anything of and pushed the thought out of my head, but then the situation had presented again and again he asked and again I turned him down. That was until he did something really astonishing. Well in our school seniors have to have there fees paid by a certain time to be eligible to walk the stage for graduation and for prom. Well graduation was my main concern at the time, so my mom wrote a check to pay all $160 of my fees paid off like a few days before the due date. Now this is where I started to fall for him. My teacher had turned in her book list in early and we not had a chance to do locker clean out and so she marked me down as not turning my book in for the end of the year so I was fined like $30 something for the book and never the less the day before the fees due date. so I was thinking where was I going to get the money to pay this then after awhile I just thought to my self and said forget it cause this is my senior year and I 'm not going to let this school get the best of me. I'm guessing that he felt bad for me and (pay attention cause this is where it gets amazing) one day when I had arrived at the library for our usual hang out and goof around he surprised me with a recipe, not just any recipe, the recipe saying that he had paid for the fee and was exonerated from being denied to walk the graduation stage. I waling into the library and he ushers for me to come her and shows me the recipe and continues on telling me on what the recipe was for and that he wanted to see me walk the stage. From the point on I knew. I knew I liked him and then from that grew a love. after he told me that I knew I wanted to go to prom with him and we did and he was a perfect gentlemen; opening doors and helping me in the car. The thing that lead me to believe that he liked me in return was not only from him paying my fees, but his general behavior around me makes me feel..........................idk how to explain it. When we was at prom he wanted to hold my hand and just.......................idk it seemed different from us just hanging out at the library as friends it seemed to be so much more. Idk. Maybe like I said before I'm over thinking all of this. Somebody send me a sign or help me out of this crazy dream.

Signing off until later ♥Camille♥

Well I dedicate these lyrics to you "J".

"What Hurts The Most"

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do