Hi readers, it's me again and I come to you in a depressed state of mind. I feel so drained right now. I can't focus and my eating has changed a bit. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm not even tired, cause I'm just so out of sync. I have like fifty things rolling through my head. I think "T" is talking to someone else. I mean I know we aren't together, but I was hoping that even though we aren't officially commited to each other, we cared enough for each other that we wouldn't talk to other people. He says he isn't and that he's not commited to anybody, which is actually his way of saying I'm not talking to anyone serious. It's crazy cause as much I don't really care cause I have a rational thinking heart, I still can't escape that small deep seeded feeling of hurt. It's crazy and I can't seem to sake it. My self esteem is starting to go down a bit and I think by focusing my energy on my school work and maybe losing a bit of weight will help shake the feeling, which really won't, but I just don't think it won't hurt to try, even though I know I need to face my feelings instead of running away and focusing on something else. At least my focus is towards a positive and not a negative. As long as I'm not taking my focus and becoming self destructive, I think I should be okay. Wow reading over that really makes me sound like a psychologists. ^.^. One day I'll be one and can help others who are suffering. Besides that on my mind, I'm thinking about my moms up coming birthday and what the heck am I going to get her, trying to think of ways to build my memory, cause it seems kind of off, umm what else........oh yea and then there's the fact that I just read this poem by an ex-friend of mine and it kind of left me speechless. It was about me. I stumbled upon it today and it was a nice poem and all in all I think she's finally come to grisps with everything that she was origanally mad at me for. In the poem she, recognized that we changed, and maybe it was her and not me that changed in a bad way, and that she was kind of upset that we aren't friends anymore and in a sense she was sorry. It was nice. I don't think I was intended to read it cause if that was the case she would have sent it to me, plus the only way to look at her profile and what not is to go through my sisters, cause she blocked me when we fell out, but any who I had intended to sign in as my sister to look at something else and idk I just kind of stumbled upon it. There's other stuff on my mind, but I guess it's going to have to wait till tomorrow cause I'm need to go to sleep so I can get up and study and take a shower before class.
Oh wish me luck, I took my first test in my psych class and I don't know what I got, but I think it's good, well at least I'm hoping it's good.
TTyL. From the girl who wears a smile even though she frowns in the inside. Night
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