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A little less down and little more up

Yeah so I definately have a headace and definately a little happier then last time I blogged. I'm not so worried about the whole "T" cause whatever happens, happens and there is nothing I can do about, besides who cares I'm still young. I find out what I got on my test and I got a 70 out of a 100. I'm not to happy about it cause I was hoping it would be better, but I'm not to sad considering it's a passing grade and the fact that I still have like two more test and he keeps the two best scores overall out of the two and drops the lower one, so I just really have to do better on my next to tests. I think the thing that made me a whole lot happier tonight (technically this morning) is the fact that my hard crush "J" called and we talked a bit while he cleaned up at work and then he took me to see his new house his family got. It looks really nice. I am crushing over him so hard it's so hard to fully give my heart to anyone. I don't even think it's a crush anymore. I think I am purely in love with him. It's so hard not to be, but I really try not to be, considering that we're friends. It's just so hard, everytime I turn around I'm thinking about him, I'm thinking about what could be, and everytime he calls or certain people mention him, it makes my face light up. I just love his personality and him as a person. He's not bad looking either, he has these blue eyes that make me melt (which I try hard not to stair into, in fear never looking away and looking stupid for staring), he's averge built, white, and taller then me. The only slight dramback is that he's two years younger then me. Which I've never had a problem with, it's just so hard to have a friend that you really like as more than a friend. I don't want to mess up our friendship and I don't want him looking at me any differently if I was to tell him. I don't even know what to do, cause it was kind of weird considering that "T" called trying to talk and here I was trying to get ready to leave and go run off with "J" to see his new house. I'm stuck in an in between that is so hard to sever; on one hand I have "T" who is cool, but a good part of my heart feels that I'll be much happier with "J". It's like I talk to "T", but feel it's only cause I don't talk to "J" in the same way and it's probally cause I'm scared to cross that friend boundry. I don't know what to do sometimes, I'm just so confused and lost. *Sigh*. It's worst cause there is these two songs that I can't get out of my head (which I'm listening to one of them right now) cause they remind me of "J" and it's that song I can't make you love me by Bonnie Raitt and Tear drops on my guitar by Taylor Swift; that song by Taylor Swift reminds me so much of him, cause the song is about a girl who has a friend who she likes dearly, but pretends not to for the sake of the guy and the fact that he is supposedly in love with someone else. If you haven't heard the song you've got to well I'm going to sleep now cause it's 2 something in the morning and I need some sleep cause I have a crap load of stuff to take care.

TTyL. Tonights graphic is in thoughts of "J"