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"You always told yourself, 'I'm a good person with a good heart'. You used to swear that you could never look that way.
But one day, you wake up . You look into that mirror and you see a monster."
Probably one of the best things I've ever heard her say. Or, really, one of the most important things I ever heard her say.
This will sound completely egotistical and self-centered-- and if you've read anything else I've written, you're mind has probably made that conclusion anyway-- but when I was little, six or seven, I was in the bathtub. Was probably playing with my miniature dinosaurs-- a mind that generated an invisible world of domination and risk. Drama.
That was the point of playing pretend in the first place though.
Anyhow, I remember sitting there in my bubble bath and I began to look at my little stubby legs. My arms. My flat baby belly. And I thought, "This is what it's like to be perfect. This is what it's like to be physically well, to be good in mind. To be thoughtful."
I thought I was the only person in the whole world who had ever had such a ridiculous thought.
Seems as a million years later, perhaps even a different lifetime, while I cried and cried and bawled, so fucking angry, she made excuses but then finally said the one honest thing that stuck-- telling me about a monster she saw in the mirror. . .
I realized.
I'm not the only person in this world that thought they were porcelain when they weren't.
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Posted by StayingAlive on 2008-06-23 16:59:27 | Rating: | Views: 102
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you have been deeply hurt and seems like you have so much justified anger, but if you focused that energy on writing, you could be extraordinary!
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Posted by roe
on 2008-07-01 01:03:06
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Thank you.
I guess that's what I'm doing now.
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Posted by StayingAlive
on 2008-07-01 13:34:38
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huh. hadn't read this before. dunno how i missed it. its good. makes ur porcelain posts later on make a bit more sense.
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Posted by bloodintheeyes
on 2008-08-16 15:38:10
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I'm obsessed with porcelain.
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Posted by StayingAlive
on 2008-08-16 18:03:04
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