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Soul_trader's Blogs in January 2008

poem for my daughter
I buried my daughter today my soul burns red with pain no longer will i touch her face or caress her skin again i buired my daughter today God, what have i done wrong to have her stolen from my arms when my faith in you was strong i buired my daughter today thankgod i have......Read More

Posted on: 2008-01-06 13:55:07 | Rating:

| Views: 111 | Comments: 3 | Tags: death

Down Again
Ive been pushed down so many times i feel this time may be the last as i lay here fading memories of the past burn as i lay here on the floor no strength to get up voices invading my brain cant stop,wnt stop quiet i shout,please be quiet but no, on and on and on they go down......Read More

Posted on: 2008-01-06 14:00:00 | Rating:

| Views: 93 | Comments: 5 | Tags: death

After 21 years i found my dad
Well were to start, i am registerd on a sit called friends re-united im sure you have heard of it, well i have known what my biological fathers ame was for a few years now jsut never knew how to get i touch with him and out of the blue i got a message on there from him we have bee emailig tonight......Read More

Posted on: 2008-01-07 13:06:08 | Rating:

| Views: 82 | Comments: 3 | Tags: Family

Over the shock
well i spoke to my dad last night big big shock to my system but a happy one, after the initial shock subsided i couldnt wait to speak to him, so i rang him just after 7pm alst night as soon as he answerd the phone it was all quite natuaral, i thought it was going to be quite awkward but it......Read More

Posted on: 2008-01-08 10:27:21 | Rating:

| Views: 61 | Comments: 3 | Tags: Family

Cant sleep
Wow well as you know i found my dad after not knowing him or ever speaking to him in 21 years, the last words i said to him were goo goo gaga, we have spoken a few times over the phone and also online on msn and no matter what i am doing all i can think about is him i cant sleep cause all i can......Read More

Posted on: 2008-01-08 22:04:00 | Rating:

| Views: 59 | Comments: 4 | Tags: family

havin a moment
http://babyalicia-bayat.gonetoosoon.co.uk/ this is a link to my baby gurls website, just havin a bad day i think been crying alot cant stop thinking about me my heart is breaking all over again i am getting flash back images of the early......Read More

Posted on: 2008-01-13 20:56:06 | Rating:

| Views: 89 | Comments: 3 | Tags: Death

avin a bad day
Well not sure were to start, avin a bad few days been thinking alot about my daughter struggling with my life right now everything is up in the air im not feeling safe or secure in any aspect fed up with everything and alot of people, when it comes to a point in your life were you loose all your......Read More

Posted on: 2008-01-14 10:35:55 | Rating:

| Views: 96 | Comments: 4 | Tags: depression death

Kind words
thankyou all fro your kind words but right now i feel like a failure a pathetic excuse for a women i mean see it from my point of view, the one thing that is meant to come naturally to a women is motherhood but no not my pathetic body, i couldnt even do that it is my bodies fault my partner is......Read More

Posted on: 2008-01-14 11:56:09 | Rating:

| Views: 56 | Comments: 3 | Tags: dperession

sorry about yesterday
hi i just wanted to apologise for yesterday i was avin major bad day not sure why its been a long time since i felt so low i took my meds and they have slightly evend thing back up now feeling as crap and feeling like a wanna try and carry on just wanted to thankyou all for your kind words.......Read More

Posted on: 2008-01-15 13:25:25 | Rating:

| Views: 73 | Comments: 6 | Tags: depresion

Living to work or working to live what are you?
Now personally as sad as it sounds i actually get a buzz out of work i like working, but lol there is always a but, i started this new job back in decemebr right and its for a mobile phone company called t-mobile well i work in the collections department so people who dont pay there bills and get......Read More