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pain like no other
I've attempted to start many online journals, none i've kept to. Maybe this will be different. maybe this will even help me.
2 weeks ago my girlfriend of 14 months split up with me. I've never experienced pain like it. My first proper relationship, and its killed me. Killed me in every sense of the word. We moved too fast, we lived together, i'd fallen for her like no other. i'm in so much fucking pain writing this down.
I'd been coping ok. I even started dating another girl, but i can't focus on her. I don't want anyone else. I also found out yesterday that she's been dating too. I don't want anyone else to have her. she is my absolute everything. fuck. i break into tears as i write that. but it's the fucking truth.
The sad thing is, when i saw her yesterday, and she held me in her arms to comfort me, it was the first time i've felt alive since i saw her last. how fucked is that. i'm so fucking lost. I'd give up everything i am or ever will be for 10 little seconds of the good times we spent together. I'm so fucking hopeless. I'm still absolutely hopelessly in love with her. Its the strangest feeling that i love and hate her at the same time. I hate her for making me feel like this. I hate her for not loving me. I feel dead inside. I dont know what to do, and the worrying thing is that i don't even know what i fucking want anymore. i want her back. i want her back so FUCKING much.
Today has been the worst day since we've been apart. The worst day of my life. I've cried by the bucket. She has friends, this new bloke, everything. I'm left with nothing, and yet i've got to see her day after day in university. How the fuck can i ever get over her. I don't know where to look to get over this.
i hope i feel better soon. im so lost. so lonely. im so fucking pathetic.
Posted by Soren on 2008-01-15 04:03:33 | Rating: n/a | Views: 79


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Posted by
sexcsyrian
on 2008-01-15 04:11:35
 
"To let go isn't to forget, not to think about, or ignore. It doesn't leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn't about winning or losing. It's not about pride and it's not about how you appear, and it's not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn't blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and doesn't leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness. It's not about giving in or giving up. Letting go isn't about loss and it's not about defeat. To let go is to cherish the memories, but to overcome and move on. It is having an open mind and confidence in the future. Letting go is learning and experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. It's about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path and set yourself free."
 
 

Posted by
flipmaster
on 2008-01-15 05:49:59
 
I agree with sexcsyrian ,better to get through this,because in the long run it will serve you well,if you have to break up again over a partner that might be scewing you over. I wish I had the courage with my second wife who by any shape and form sucked my life away. I never knew how to move on
 
 


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Soren
Southampton, United Kingdom

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