so i've been going through a lot the past few weeks with this girl, with my lady. and there have been unbelievably amazing times and recently, there were some that were not exactly happy.


but i always need an outlet. i dont know, i'm just not capable of letting my heart feel all these emotions. specially when it's time to deal with the hard stuff. now i had options before me always. to deal with the pain. the roads to alcohol and drugs was always open to me. not to judge those two in terms of good or bad. i mean i drink and i have tried the ganja as well. anyway.

and i can't talk to people immediately when i'm going through it all. if i'm feeling helpless, if i'm feeling pain, thn i dont want someone to tell me it'll be ok. i dont want anyone or anything at that time. i just want to stay in that moment and feel everything that moment can make me feel, whether good or bad. i like to cherish every emotion my heart lets me feel.

but then, my heart can't take the pain it must sometimes. i was lucky to find the music before the pain found me. my guitar, my first love, has been with me through thick and thin. she came to me, nothing more than hollow wood. but the more i played her, the more my soul semi-filled that hollow. of course she's just a guitar when i want her to be. but when my heart screams out loud, i pick her up. and place my fingers on her. and i let go of any blocks i was holding myself on the support of. i completely let every emotion through like a stampede. and then there is music.

these are moments of involuntary music though. i dont control what i'm playing. i dont even think about what i'm playing. i dont concentrate on the chord structures or which note would sound technically correct in what scale according to the chord base. nothing. all the things i usually focus on while i'm trying to write my music, i feel none of it. its like she knows what i feel. its like she understands. since a bit of my soul resides in her, the remaining part of my soul and she combine to make the most beautifully painful melodies. Melodies that help me feel out whatever i'm feeling in its full force. but i can never remember how to play them or even how they sounded when i'm done playing her.

but lately, i've been feeling so much that she's been playing me the same stuff back and those melodies have started to stick. and just fifteen minutes ago i was thinking i probably have enough material to make a song. but i have not recorded anything professionally. just on this lame software on my laptop. plugged my guitar right into the damn laptop and recorded some minor stuff. the sound quality was pathetic! so i started searching for a good quality product which i could record on.

so i'm there googling the shit out of these softwares, and i get a call from an old friend. turns out he just started sound engineering college and he wants someone to come in and record anything so he can use it for assignments he has coming up. like just as practice and editing sound and everything. this is the professional stuff. he's training to be the guy behind the sound proof glass for every professionally recorded song ever! and from a damn good college too! all the equipment is state of the art and is updated monthly. he calls and asks if i have anything i'd like to record!! man oh man!!!!

so after a lot of "DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!"s, i am meeting with him for lunch tomorrow to discuss the song. he plays the guitar also and has been playing since much before i started. plus he's a couple of years older. and he's been playing gigs and recording stuff in studios for artists that dont really have guitarists of their own. he's been a studio musician for a while. and though he is much much better than i am, his roots are exactly the same as mine. all the same kinda music. we both have a blues-rock base. and a lot of stuff we do with our music is theoretically the exact same stuff. of course our creativity changes our music, but only slightly. and definitely, the difference in skill level makes all the difference in our music.

but i know after discussing it with him, he'll structure my song perfectly, just the way i would like it, even better! and i get to record the song using professional systems and technologies! man this is so sweet!! the chance of a lifetime!!!!! and not only that, he said that he'd be needing stuff to record over the duration of his college education which will be at least 2 years! till then, i get to record anything i want in a completely professional set up!! FREE!!!!!

this is so cool. so cool!!!! i'm physically a big guy and i try to contain myself always. but i'm literally jumping!!! this is such a glorious moment! and i just had to write about one thing that has gone perfectly for me. not many of those moments around for the taking. the ideal situations. and even though its a much smaller thing, its still so amazing!! YEAH!!!!!