| Posted in
awake on 2008-04-29 23:50:18 |
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My friend has it. she promised to loan it to me after she gets done. i'm looking forward to reading that book. ur right, it is worth a shot.
thanks for dropping by, like always! :D
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| Posted in
awake on 2008-04-28 10:55:50 |
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thanks for the constant support. but who's to judge what i deserve or not? that is destiny, and she is a fickle mistress...
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| Posted in
in love on 2008-04-26 16:25:18 |
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why do u feel he likes you? assumptions often end up undoing a lot of hopes and dreams. when in doubt, the only secure answers can be obtained by being honest and communicating. talk to the guy. i know its hard to get out. but just tell him how u feel. and ask him if he feels the same way. and if he does, then he should do whats right and let the other girl go. and if he really does like her, then u will have to accept it. just one thing, if he says he likes both of u and doesnt want to break up with her and still wants to be with u, cut clear from the guy. that will just not end happily for anyone. not him, not her and most importantly, not you.
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| Posted in
DRAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! on 2008-04-26 16:21:10 |
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drama is oxygen for a lot of people. their lives are so empty that they feel they need to create drama around themselves to feel alive. it doesn't end at high school. those kind of people rarely change. and it becomes a part of them. you'll be surprised to find out how there is drama in college and life beyond. but of course, the world outside high school is way too big. so you can always somehow center in on that person who is trying to create the drama. its pretty clear. and i advise you to stay clear from those kind of people. desperate fools at the end of their pity for themselves. find a few people you know are simple and honest. and stick to them. value honesty. i think it is the most important element/quality in a person.
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| Posted in
The Perfect Guy! on 2008-04-26 16:17:30 |
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amazing post. and what u wish for is a simple and pure love. a love worth loving. i hope you find it sooner than later.
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| Posted in
I hate him and I hate what he has done on 2008-04-23 19:10:40 |
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i wish there were some words i could say that would take this away for you. but my words are just words. i can tell you that i'm rooting for you, that i'm praying for you and that i'm hoping for you. but that's all i have to give. i must have faith that the problems you face are equal to the strength inside you to deal with them. and i pray that you find that strength and kick these demons right back to hell.
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| Posted in
EARTHQUAKE!!!!!!!!!!! on 2008-04-19 05:00:51 |
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aww Tay! i'm glad ur okay. hey that rhymes! maybe when u sing next, u could make a song on that. :D
hope to see your spirits higher... keep up the bloggin!
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| Posted in
Im a MESS on 2008-04-17 20:45:17 |
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haha. totally get what ur saying long. its a guy thing! :D
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| Posted in
Im a MESS on 2008-04-17 05:43:05 |
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and i thought we had such a good competition going on who comments first! i didn't know competition would scare you off! :P
jokes apart. your thoughts are beautiful and hearing of them from you has been an honour.
but this is one place where i come when i feel alone. this place takes away from that at least a little. you have friends rooting for you here and i'm sure we would all love to keep hearing from you.
take the time you need, but do come back and say hi again. do come back and share your thoughts with us again...
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| Posted in
The Talk of Stories on 2008-04-16 19:18:35 |
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thank you otherguy, for stopping by. well, i expected you would after i mailed you about writing this blog after yours.
but this is not a simple web. there is no1 in this situation on whom i would deem any misfortunes. if there are any misfortunes left, i would rather take them myself. because the happiness of everyone involved directly influences my lady's. there can be no appearance of pain.
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| Posted in
is it just a feeling then? on 2008-04-16 18:09:00 |
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thanks for comments guys.
purestar, i cant confirm this because certain events have unfolded in a very short period of time that have changed the dynamics of things going on. certain thoughts are not allowed to be felt rght now. but earlier, i thought that she was trying to love me through her demons. but she would have had to get over this pain before she could.
at the same time i did not know what to do. there was no way i could help her make those decisions. i just had to wait for tomorrow.
but when tomorow came it wasn't the tomorrow i expected. its still a tomorrow and her poison is no more. her demon is no more. and that is, in all honesty, everything i prayed for. so i guess i did get what i wanted.
:D you're comments always cheer me up Tay. i know she appreciates what i did. and i guess that's great! :D
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| Posted in
what of the other guy? on 2008-04-16 07:47:04 |
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there's a reference to your friday that i have subconsciously linked with the demise of hope myself. i will not claim to know how life works. i will not claim to know how these stories play out. but i cannot argue your point my friend, for i have nothing to base my argument on...
i do hope, however, that friday passes.... sooner than later.
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| Posted in
So Why Her.. Had to ask myelf too. on 2008-04-16 06:36:53 |
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rats!! it seems i was beaten even to second place!!!!! DOUBLE RATS!!!
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| Posted in
So Why Her.. Had to ask myelf too. on 2008-04-16 06:35:36 |
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hmm. it seems i have been beaten! i will have to settle for second comment! oh well, you win some, you lose some...
moving right along. have i mentioned that i really like your writing style? very honest. and yet, quite cryptic. like an entangled web of thoughts, that still seems to make all the sense.
i read in your previous blog that ur heart's notion of perfect falls short compared to her. i've recently been there myself.
and your last para makes all the sense in the world to me. i know its not something u change urself for. i understand that its just the way she makes u want to be. i've come up with this phrase as of late - "she sees in me the man i always wanted to be"
just through her eyes, you are a better person. and that really does make u one. y not take that inspiration then and be the best u can?
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| Posted in
is it just a feeling then? on 2008-04-16 06:01:09 |
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thanks for stopping by Questioned Man. your thoughts and wishes are greatly appreciated.
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| Posted in
Love and Acceptance on 2008-04-15 23:52:40 |
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wow! a lot of people pulling for sm huh? as for angel's guess (educated as it may have been) about me rooting for the 1st guy is true.
and meredith's comment got me thinking. you've got a pretty good love sotry going on. lot of people logging in to know the next chapter. i know i am! yours are the first blogs i come to! keeping in perspective that this is your life, and i hope it plays out well for you, i can't help but get impatient about your next blog! :D
i've read so many blogs here. and i've seen magic happen with so many people. why can't it happen for you angel?
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| Posted in
I Do What I Can on 2008-04-15 03:19:25 |
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you're an amazing writer and so honest. it always warms my heart to learn of such love in the world. a love that conquers all. get used to what she makes u feel like mate. something tells me she's never going to stop!
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| Posted in
Love and Acceptance on 2008-04-15 03:01:32 |
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u can always count on my opinion angel. hope they help as much as u say they do...
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| Posted in
Love and Acceptance on 2008-04-15 02:42:45 |
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1st of all, HAHA!!! 1st to comment! :P:P:P:P:P
(i dont know why i did that, but the talk of being first between angel and brainstormer has been getting to me!)
now, going by ur previous posts up untill now, SM knows everything thats going on and still loves u. still wants to wait for u right? i wont pretend to know whats going on, so i'll give u two options i think are most valid here. one more likely, based on logic and probability, and the other more likely in a dreamy and ideal world.
1. sm is truely caring. loves u very much. understands what u've been through and still wants to love you. still wants to protect you. still wants to shower u with everythig he has. he truely loves u for u and thats y he accepts ur past and truely wants ur happiness. even if that means getting back with bf. if this is indeed true,then sm is pretty much dooming himself to heartbreak, just for ur smile.
2. sm is a jerk. he sees an opportunity, sees u vulnerable and says everything that u want to hear.
i think its clear which one is favored by logic and which one favored by idealism and dreams.
just decide which one u'd rather trust. and go with it. logic or magic?
both roads are pretty risky. going with sm is totally unpredictable. although, meeting him will change that a little bit. and staying with bf, he might never change. i mean if its taken 3 years, then maybe even 3 more might not be enough. and going solo, not going back to bf and not going with sm, will give u all the time u need to ponder on urself. u said bf made u believe u were amazing. maybe u should try and make urself believe u r that amazing. should self worth only be based on what someone else says?
i dont know. just considering every possible path here. the decision is always ultimately up to you angel. let your heart decide, when it is ready...
i hope you find your peace angel. i hope you find your happiness. and i really hope both these men realize what they are dealing with and neither of them are foolish enough to take this less seriously than ragnarok itself! (little norse reference there, ragnarok is supposed to be equivalent to the biblical "end of the world")
sorry for that, but makes it kind of epic dont u think?! :D
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| Posted in
Straight up confused and uncertain on 2008-04-12 10:43:39 |
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thanks for considering a gay barrier Long! appreciate it man! :D
nothing against anyone though...
(politically correct vibes all around)
i know its hard to believe that anyone will understand what ur feeling at times. but i have so been where u are! i've been here only about a couple of weeks ago! my heart's version of perfect fell short of this person i met! and destiny, it seems, is not without a sense of irony. i agree. but this person i speak of found me in a situation where i couldn't be with her. slowly the wheels of fortune turn, not used to the motion from gathering rust the past years of my life. and now i see this going a future. i see the fields of my dreams aren't too far away. they seemed in another galaxy once. ha, i speak of 'once' as if it were the beggining of time. the 'once' i speak of was a month ago long! for me.
then why can't your 'once' be this month?
i believe u will look back one day on these blogs and wonder what u did right to be with her. u will be with her. i believe in it. fate has given me no choice but to believe in it!
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| Posted in
Straight up confused and uncertain on 2008-04-11 07:31:33 |
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i swear i could pretty much copy-paste this blog and enter it as my own. well, at least a month ago, or maybe still. i'm currently in a state of not letting myself figure out the exact dynamics of what i'm in.
but after reading this blog, i felt an urge to break off into a familiarity-approval with all the "oh my god! me too!"s thrown in it.
the connection u speak of is a dangerous field my friend. the connection doesn't wait for the relationship dynamics to settle in before it takes effect. and more often than not, it ends up killing u softly. the singularity, u speak of, is extremely intense. the pure desire enhanced by an emotional roller coaster can drive u to insanity at times! those who find the one 'cnnection' we all seek, in their partner are indeed lucky.
untill recently i believed that it is something not designed for us all. i believed that it is meant for some people and others are left to suffer the connection in "just a friend."
and i considered myself the last person to be a part of that. not that i didnt have a sense of self worth. i guess its just something i got used to.
and then, one day, i find myself having these thoughts and feelings for this person. and she responds back. holding on tighter to every thought in my mind. painting every dream. intensifying every desire. and even though i'm not physically with her right now, i know i will be some day. and till then i shall wait. because i know nothing will seem as meaningful as it will with her.
i lost faith and faith found me. i belive now. and i believe it will find you as well. dont let the feeling of complete helplessness devour u just yet. grab onto whatever speck of light u may have, and hold on tight. dont lose hope. keep putting urself out there. and faith shall find you as well...
i wish it for you. i believe it will...
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| Posted in
Speaking your thoughts... on 2008-04-09 17:36:16 |
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oops. sorry for not noticing. and wine and champagne is all too silver and gold for me. of course, when in the right company, its really classy and u feel all high society and stuff. but for the perceptions of a poor college kid, i'd say bring on the kegs buddy!
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| Posted in
Do You Think He Is Tired of Trying? on 2008-04-08 13:12:07 |
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oh dont get me wrong. its a terrible movie. but the idea of it! genious!!!
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| Posted in
What color would it be if you were floating in not on 2008-04-08 13:10:16 |
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oh rats! i didn't consider the halucinations! good call long...
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| Posted in
What color would it be if you were floating in not on 2008-04-08 00:06:27 |
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there are a lot of dimensions to 'nothing'. of course if you are talking about nothing while existing in the world, then yes, nothing would be transparent and you could see whatever is beyond. but if you are wondering about what you would see if we existed in nothingness, that's a different aspect all together. nothingness would be black. it would be like floating in space without any starts around. just a vaccum of nothingness would be black and you wouldn't be able to even see your own hands in front of your face. just blackness all over.
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| Posted in
Do You Think He Is Tired of Trying? on 2008-04-07 21:16:05 |
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man maybe we should figure out the science behind the movie 'weird science'
i think your vision combined with just the right illegal technological information, we can create a most gorgeous woman!
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| Posted in
The talk of Soulmates on 2008-04-07 14:09:30 |
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i dont know what to say to that. i can't tell you that i know your pain. because i have never known pain so lonely. i can't tell you that i understand, because i have never lost someone even half as close. all i can do is hope that you find your peace. and pray that your memory can laugh away the unsaid jokes, and cry away the unsaid feelings. so that she may recover them, wherever she dwells now...
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| Posted in
My own comment on Slash's blog Soulmates (continue on 2008-04-07 14:02:59 |
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sorry to say this Tay, but i got Long's back on this one. the whole point of sites like these are to write down everything you're feeling. and i dont mean to judge anything or anyone as right or wrong. but change is something i still anticiate. my aord is not the final judgement on any subject. but i believe neither is anyone else's. soulmates and love are two very different things. or so say my 19 years of living, at least. its not impossible to find, but you have to be a heck of a lucky bastard to find it. (nicely put long!) :D
but i do hope that whoever you end up with, soulmate or not, doesn't base his love towards you on how badly he can rip you apart. and i hope you dont end up with a guy you just want to crash down on like a hurricane.
but, you know what? i've seen that owrk sometimes. crazy wild passionate love. why not? i'd hope you find happiness wherever you end up or with whomever you end up...
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| Posted in
Speaking your thoughts... on 2008-04-06 17:45:11 |
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nice selection based on lyrics. but i prefer more rocky selections. or slightly emo new gen stuff. bands like Anberlin. Breaking Benjamin. even stuff like Broken or Pillar. Three days grace works real nice too.
i might take you up on the drinking offer. i can always use a good drinking buddy! first 6-pack of shiner's on me. bottoms up...
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| Posted in
Speaking your thoughts... on 2008-04-06 15:15:38 |
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hmm, i am highly intrigued by your imagery brainstormer! :D
kinda brings the words to life. yeah, if i ever make any music video, you're definitely getting a call from me! :D
baby steps... yeah. that sounds like a plan. thanks angel. that gives me some confidence!
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| Posted in
Speaking your thoughts... on 2008-04-05 08:21:34 |
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haha! you always make me smile angel! first of all, with your determination to be the first one to comment. and second, with how you seem to understand so much from so little.
i guess you're right. maybe because it was the first time, i felt so tongue-tied. maybe i'll grow used to it. i certainly hope so. her voice was the most beautiful one i've ever heard. and i wouldn't want my inability to talk, ruining that.
i was kinda hoping that she'd understand everything i was feeling. i had a hunch that she did. i felt like she saw through my clumsiness. that kept on encouraging me.
mirror talk.... hmm.... saw myself and pretty much ran away! :D i dont understand how she talks about me the way she does! i still dont get how she can feel those feelings for me and think those thoughts. but i guess i'll have to keept at it. talking to her was amazing. it was the best feeling of not being in control i've ever had. and i wouldn't want that to end.
practice makes perfect right? here i come again you darn mirror!
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| Posted in
Vulnerability on 2008-04-05 01:44:25 |
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HAHA! man that is exactly the face i put that man to! i know i didn't. but i would'nt wish it for you anytime.
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| Posted in
soulmates(continued) on 2008-04-03 05:05:37 |
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i see sense in your words long. agreed. your soul mate doesnt have to be your lover.
here's a new twist on it - what if you had two people in your life who knew you more than you knew yourself? just hypothetically? if there are two people like that in your life, doesn't that destroy the singularity of the coulmate concept?
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| Posted in
soulmates(continued) on 2008-04-03 01:09:20 |
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that was an extremely valid argument angel. how many of us could actually get into something based on just the heart?
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| Posted in
Even more depressed on 2008-04-02 21:45:52 |
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hang on Tay. do whatever you can to stay where you are. it sucks to be displaced from your environment to a completely new place. although, sometimes, that can be awesome.
any one's parents will never completely understand their child. not always anyway. but every one comes equipped with how to deal with her/his parents. no1 knows your parents better than you do. so be sure that you're not doing anything wrong. and stay that way. don't openly defy them or anything. every kid knows how to suck up. do it! suck up! show them that ur a good kid.
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| Posted in
Forceful words on 2008-04-02 21:41:41 |
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you guys got it good. i know! ;)
stay good
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| Posted in
soulmates(continued) on 2008-04-02 21:24:14 |
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try not to think of whether or not you believe in soulmates. think hypothetically, IF you were in the situation described above, what would you do?
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| Posted in
Boys don't cry... on 2008-04-01 23:08:50 |
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i like that direction. maybe, if i ever get good at music and have to make a video, i'll call you to direct. sound good?
tear drops n the guitar! good vision!
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| Posted in
Vulnerability on 2008-04-01 23:07:38 |
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it hurts man. i can imagine it would have hurt you. i'm sorry for that.
the Vatican thing would be cool if it were true. imagine if the pope were on here. man would i love to talk to the pope! :P
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| Posted in
Soulmates on 2008-04-01 17:37:06 |
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if you have such thoughts about your soulmate, then i am positive he walks around with thoughts of you on his mind. i am sure that he misses you like the sun misses the flower. like the day misses the sun and the night misses the moon. and how your soulmate misses the night, when he can be with you...
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| Posted in
Let the Rain Fall Down on 2008-04-01 17:32:59 |
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genuine entry. hearwarming.
i am not in a position where i am helping a lot of people out. but i have had that feeling where i want to be with someone i have just randomly met. i have finally experienced a beautiful stranger. and it feels good...
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| Posted in
Vulnerability on 2008-04-01 02:29:36 |
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i never lost faith in her. she made absolute sense. she was perfect. i was afraid. i was afraid that she made me this vulnerable this fast. i've never experienced this before. and i'm not used to not being in control. i felt vulnerable and afraid. afraid of getting hurt. i lost control.
i didn't want to leave her hand. together, i'm sure we were on some kind of a right path. together, i felt like we would both make it to the light.
she was always worth everything that i can give. i was just afraid that i might give more than she wanted. it was a reflex primary deffense mechanism.
if i could, i would like to apologize to her for everything that i did and everything i didn't.
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