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So things are actually going a lot better lately. I am done with school and finals, and the best part. . . i feel like I did amazing. My professor said my last paper was "thought-provoking". Wow. From him it is a compliment.It was on abortion, and well, I do have a strong opinion about the subject, maybe that is why it was successful. I still don't know my final grade, but from the way things look - it should be an A.
Another breakthrough this month - My DH has been opening up and letting me in (finally!). After an argument last week, I told him I needed to leave and clear my head. On top of the argument, the kids were driving me insane and I was over-stressed. I went to baskin robbins, and got a small scoop of love potion #31 and then sat in a parking lot in the rain, listening to music, and scribbling thoughts and poetry on a notepad (haven't done that in a while). It felt good.
He began texting me asking when I would be coming home, and I just told him I would be home, but I didn't know when. After several half-angry text messages I decided to go home and squabble it out. He asked me if I wanted to be with him at all, and I was shocked. That's the point I decided to drive home. After 7 years together, you'd think he would know how much I was in love with him and how much I wanted to be with him. Was this insecurity? Maybe I needed to tell him how much I did love him, how could he not know?
Finally, i pulled up in the driveway and he met me outside as if he was waiting for me. His eyes were red and you could sense the tension. It was as if I were going to say the word - that we were over. He seemed to expect this and acted like he wasn't worthy of any more than that. He reminded me of a little pup, almost cowering and following closely behind me. There was this moment where I felt he was giving me too much power and too much credit. I wanted him to take charge, but it was as if his life were in my hands. It was strange and uncomfortable. We walked inside and went upstairs and had the talk of a life time. There was crying and mostly understanding and finally he told me he was afraid I was just going to leave. Why? I don't know. I told him how much I cared, and that all I wanted to do was be with him and our two lovely girls. But he wouldn't let me in. Why would I leave the best thing that's ever happened to me? Finally he talked about everything he was feeling, and we talked until we both fell asleep from exhaustion.
After all this worrying about deployment, he isn't even going back to Iraq now. He will be on the rear detachment unit that is left behind to take care of things on the island, while they are gone. My heart lept for joy when I found out. Although he is going away for training still, he wont' have to deploy. Amazing. I feel so blessed.
I am headed home for a month on Wednesday and I cannot explain how excited I am. DH will be away training and is going to join me for the last week of the vacation. I cannot wait to see my parents and my siblings and neices and nephews. What a great escape from this place. And it couldn't have come at a better moment. What a way to start off the summer.
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Posted by Skatrose on 2008-05-12 18:15:10 | Rating: | Views: 55
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